Can't Believe This
by A-BondofFlame-R
Summary: Our little gang plays a delirious game of truth or dare. But Axel just can't be realistic, can he? And oh, the tortures of summer camp mixed with Kairi's evilness? Roxas is in for one hell of a ride this year. Akuroku, rated for language to be safe.
1. Outburst

**Mmmmk, so this one is a little more cliché and angsty, but it's a little Akuroku all the same. Enjoy!**

Roxas was staring at his twin with a dumbfounded expression, his icy eyes wide.

"Sora, that's just…mean," the blond laughed. He, Sora, Riku, and Axel were up at around three in the morning playing Truth or Dare, all while delirious from a lack of sleep. Their version was a little different though; you didn't get to choose whether you did a truth or a dare, the person daring you did. So, needless to say, it was merciless. Roxas' brother had just dared his best friend Axel to dance to Love Game. But, he had changed the dare so that the red head had to do it shirtless, do the original dance at the right parts, and otherwise perform rather suggestively.

"Well, Sora, you'd better not get too excited. It'd upset your little Riku," Axel sniggered in the couple's direction. Mentioned silver haired boy smirked over at Roxas, who in return threw him a shushing glare.

The group was pretty tightly knit, and about two months back, the blond knew he just had to tell _somebody. _The eldest twin would've normally told his best friend, the pyromaniac Axel, but he obviously couldn't say anything to the red head. Roxas truly didn't want Sora knowing either, or else he might as well put his secret on a billboard. So, Roxas turned to Riku.

Riku had sat down with him, looked him in the eye, and listened. He was a great listener. Plus, his advice was usually greatly appreciated…but this time the boy's counseling had just deepened his confusion.

"Axel's your best friend. Even though he may not love you the way you want him to, he loves you all the same. I'm sure he'll understand. Just be subtle, and if that isn't the way he goes, he can just leave it alone." Riku was telling it straight to him, no beating around the bush and all that, but the blond still had his doubts.

His red haired friend Axel had never held a relationship for more than a week. Hell, over half of those were just random make out sessions with girls at their high school. Roxas highly doubted he'd ever been in love, and didn't expect him ever to be. Most of all, he was sure that if his friend _was _ever in a fairy tale romance, it certainly wouldn't be with scrawny, quirky little Roxas.

Snapping back to the present moment, a loud music track blared in his ears. He looked up to see a bare-chested Axel, his cheeks the slightest bit pink and a gleam of mischievous humor in his emerald eyes. The back beat on the music matched to the swaying of Axel's hour-glass hips. He was mouthing the words while dancing, running his long, elegant hands up and down. They traveled from his waist, to his structured face, and all over his toned upper half.

Roxas was entranced by the red head. His suggestive movements, the seductive, yet humored expression on his face…It was just too much for the blond teen to handle. He tried desperately to look elsewhere, but how could you tear your gaze away when the most beautiful creature in the world was singing to you? Yes, that's right. The whole time Axel had been up and dancing, his eyes were focused on Roxas. He winded toward him at the more, ah, suggestive lyrics. Roxas squirmed uncomfortably as he felt something shrinking. He had to get out of there, and _fast. _ He knew there'd been a dopey grin on his face through the entire act, so he pretended to crack up and laugh hysterically. After about a minute or two, the façade became believable.

"Oh, shit dudes, haha, I'm 'bout to piss my pants!" They all bought it, and Roxas made a mad dash for the bathroom. Maybe some cold water would calm…'him' down.

When the small youth re-entered the living room, Axel was just pulling his shirt on while Sora and Riku were still keeling over with laughter.

"Alright, alright you two. It's my turn," sighed Axel, slightly irked by having to do the ridiculous act. The oldest boy sunk down into a pile of pillows, or his favorite 'chair.' When asked about the preference, he responded with a shrug and elaborated no more.

Roxas took his seat against the couch, lifting one knee up and extending the other leg out. He cautiously looked toward Axel, waiting for him to unleash doom on some one. Uh-oh. He knew that smirk. It was Axel's trademark grin-of-death. Whoever the red haired man picked, they had better hope Axel felt like being merciful.

"So," the boy began, his voice thick with malice," I think I've got a plan. My dear, little Roxy." Axel turned to the blond.

"You haven't done anything outside your comfort zone tonight, now have you?" The younger of the two gulped, and his friend's smirk grew.

"I'll take that as a yes. Well, I think that's going to have to change. Your dare, Sunshine, is you have to make out with me. Open or closed, your choice, for three minutes." Roxas felt his jaw go slack. Oh no. No, no way Axel could be asking him to do this! Axel was his best friend, so shouldn't he know what that gesture would mean to him?! If he made out with the older boy, he wouldn't be able to stop. He'd lose control, and, and…Axel would KNOW. If that happened, everything would just go to hell i n a hand basked. Axel…Roxas couldn't _believe _what a dip-shit he was being! He just _had _to go and do that.

Roxas knew he was just trying to make the blond step out of his little bubble, but did he have to be so bold?!

"Hey, Roxas?" The red head's tone was teasing, yet comforting. "I mean, I know I'm a great kisser, but you don't have to look so petrified, man!" His friend was sitting, basking in all his attractiveness, laughing at the blond. Laughing at him. He bolted upright, trembling in fury. At his sides, his fists were clenched, and he glared menacingly into the grassy green eyes across the room.

"Screw you, Axel! You and all your dumb ass whores! If you'd ever fucking remember, you'd know what that would mean to me! But no, you never remember the important things, do you?!" Hot tears were streaming down his cheeks, but he continued his rant.

"You never really paid attention, did you?! Riku could tell Axel! RIKU! You're my fucking best friends, and you're still completely oblivious! Or…or maybe you never cared. Is that it Axel? Is that right?" He looked deep into the red head's eyes, searching for something. Anything, really, but he was met with a blank stare. Axel was so startled by the boy's reaction, he was too baffled to even process the emotion behind the words. Said boy tried swallowing before he spoke again.

"Fine, I see," his voice was cracking," You really didn't care. You never took the time to pick up on the little things…but what do I have that you want?! I don't fucking have anything you want, so you can stop trying to worm your way into my heart!" On that screeched note, Roxas ran into the pouring rain, leaving his friends in a stupor.

Axel was the first to snap out of his daze, finally realizing exactly what just went down.

"I'll go find him. He's probably at home. I guess I'll see you guys later…but if I can't find him there I'll call you two, okay? Axel stepped out into the night to find his car on the curb. Turning the keys into ignition, he drove the car down the road to his house.

The harsh words Roxas had thrown toward him tore at his heart. The pain starting coursing through his veins, and had reached his eyes, making them water as he drove. Rain was pouring down, and it reminded him of Roxas and his own pain. Axel didn't know why, but his best friend had just blown up, and he felt guilty.

The car had finally pulled up to their house. Yes, he and Roxas shared a house if you didn't already get that memo. They _were _best friends, after all. Emphasis on the 'were.' Possibly. Not getting out of his car just yet, the lanky teen sat in the warm interior and tried to recollect his thoughts.

He'd only dared Roxas to kiss him because the blond needed to take some risks, you know, have a little fun!

_Pfft. Yeah, right buddy. You know you just wanted test your little 'theory.' _The little annoying 'conscience' voice was teasing him. Said voice's owner scowled, knowing 'it' was absolutely right.

Axel's private belief was absurd. Utterly insane, I tell you. Nonetheless, it was the only logical answer to that unrelenting question in his mind. Why did he always long for someone? The fiery teen was considerably liked in town, and could get practically anyone. Notice that sentence didn't end 'anyone _he wanted._'

In the back of his mind, Axel knew who he truly wanted. It was the one person he never could have, that little ray of sunshine that made his day. Sighing, the lanky boy crawled out of his silver Toyota and bolted for his front door.

Roxas was currently sitting in his room. The music from the stereo blared loud rock music, and the teen sat curled up on his bed, sobbing hysterically. His eyes stung from the extreme amount of moisture they were rapidly losing. A knife glinted in the dim light next to his frame, and he was ever so tempted to snatch the tool up and tear away at his own flesh. Some guys did it, and they all claimed it took away from the emotional pain. Roxas desperately wanted to escape these feelings. All his willpower was focused into resisting his forceful temptation.

The CD on the music system ended, then the machine whirred to switch to the next set list. Music leaked through the speakers and made Roxas tense.

_ Damn that CD. Damn the maker of that CD. DAMN the fucking music system!_ He cursed Axel for the billionth time within an hour, but was unable to move. Being in the position he was for the last two hours made the muscles in his legs cramp up. The memory of he and Axel's friendship tore at his heart. Tears were already streaming down his flushed face, but somehow, more water flowed out, while the boy trembled violently. Arm shaking, he reached out and grabbed the knife. He just didn't care anymore. Feeling this much was just too hard to handle, and Roxas was ready to try anything to escape.

Blood trickled down his arm, a few drops dripping onto the navy sheet. There were a number of slices on his wrist, but they didn't help his predicament as much as he had hoped. Vision blurred, the teenager couldn't see just how much he was bleeding. Said boy heard his door slam against the wall as it opened, but he didn't turn to face the world.

"Roxas, I-"Moving for the first time since he arrived in his room, the boy snapped his body around. At recognizing the face, he promptly drew the bloodied knife to his chest.

"Get the fuck out of here Axel. Just get out, or I swear I'll shove this knife right through my heart," as had happened too many times today, the smaller of the two's voice cracked. The red head's mouth was agape, but that's all the blond registered before Axel darted out of his room. Roxas didn't notice the red, puffy eyes, or his normally pale face being flushed, or the disheveled, tear-stained clothing on the man's body.

Axel threw himself on the evergreen leather couch in their living room. Why –oh, why! - did he have to open his mouth?! This entire mess was his fault. If only he'd left the blond's sexuality alone…No one actually knew his preference, not even Axel. If he liked anyone, he sure didn't tell anyone.

However, Axel had another theory about the boy. He had always thought Blondie had his eye on their close buddy Demyx. Whenever Demyx was in the room, Roxas would stare off into space dreamily. Axel would always go and snap him out of his daydream, waving a hand in his face and Roxas would blush madly. Suddenly the blond would take a sudden interest in the boy with the mullet and strike up an intense conversation.

While he was lost in thought, the red head hadn't even noticed he'd started crying.

**Yup, you guessed it. I'm gonna finally do a more than one shot Akuroku. And don't worry, I'm already working on chapter two as you read this text. Hee. I know, the emo cutting part is a little cliché, but it is truly necessary. I promise.**

**I no own Kingdom Hearts. Honestly, dontcha think I'd have public displays of affection for Axel and Roxas if I did?**


	2. Can You Dream In a Coma?

**Yes, I am alive! And I'd just like to thank those of you who reviewed! And those of you who favorite/alerted, thanks, but can you inspire me a little? Anyway, thanks to the story 'Carmine Complex', my writers block has 'poofed' into non-existence. Thank those lovely authors. **

Sitting on the dark green couch, Axel fretted over his friend. Roxas, his sweet little Roxas, was hurting himself all because of him. He couldn't even go in and check on him without worrying the boy would hold true to the death threat he issued. Long, slender hands fumbled around to the pocket of his jeans to find his phone. Pulling the red mobile to his face, Axel had to wipe furiously at his eyes to see the numbers he had to punch in. His fingers finally pressed the right buttons after a few wrong numbers, and a bubbly voice interrupted the dial tone.

"Hey, Axel, my buddy! What's up?" He heard Zexion grumble faintly in the background about something like calling at about four in the morning being impolite.

"D-demyx, grab Zexion and get over here, as fast as you c-can." Axel was surprised at the tone of his own voice; it was like a child looking for its mother out in the rain.

"Axel, is everything alright? You sound pretty upset, are you-"Cutting him off with a choked sob, Axel insisted on him hurrying.

"Demyx, it doesn't m-matter, just get over here, pronto!" He snapped the phone shut, trying not to damage his phone by watering it. Getting up, the teen unlocked their front door for his guests. Then said teen returned to his position on the couch, crying silently. This truly was all his fault, but maybe Demyx could make Roxas see reason. At the very least, Zexion could patch him up.

"Oh man Zexy, Axie sounds bad. I think he was…you know, crying! And Axel only cries when….well, you know." The boy with the mullet gushed to his companion with worry. His partner looked up from underneath his slate colored hair, a black bag slung over his shoulder. Right now the smaller of them was having a debate with himself as to whether or not to tell his boyfriend that someone was hurt. Axel didn't mind if he just showed up, but the fiery teen never demanded his presence. So obviously, he wanted something. And judging by his tone, Zexion figured some one was hurt and needed someone proficient in medicine such as himself.

"Well, Demyx, if he sounds so bad, we should probably hurry." With that said, the blond snatched the shorter boy's hand, racing toward his blue Camaro.

His vision was still blurry, but he didn't care. His consciousness was slipping away, slowly but surely. Maybe he wouldn't regain that consciousness, but the boy didn't care. He would slip away, into the pure, untainted abyss of white, where no one could hurt him, no one could make him do those awful-

A gasp. Not his own, not even just one. Two.

"Roxas! Oh my god Zexy! He'll die like that!" _Demyx. _Okay, he didn't have to stab himself. Not like he really had the strength to go through with that plan anyway.

"Axel should have called sooner, the stupid…Ah, well, we better work quickly, Demyx. Sit him up. I'll find the peroxide…" He didn't hear the rest, but felt warm arms wrap around his torso before he slipped into darkness.

He didn't know if you could dream in a coma, but this surely wasn't real.

"Oh, Zexy, why are they both so blind? Axel loves Roxas, Roxas loves Axel. Seriously Zexion, they take a whole new meaning on 'love is blind.' Ugh." He couldn't see a thing, but he heard Demyx suck his teeth in distaste. Nope, this definitely wasn't real.

"Demyx, it's not that simple. Roxas is afraid of his own past. Axel is afraid that he'll lose Roxas altogether, and that maybe he isn't good enough for Roxas. So both of them repress their feelings." He heard the other boy mumble incoherently in tough before he responded.

"Well, one, Axel should know better. He should realize Roxas loves him. I understand Roxy's view though. If I got treated like he was, I definitely wouldn't admit my sexuality. Stupid homophobes." Roxas smiled in his unconscious state. Demxy and Zexion were the only ones on the outside who knew. They knew all about his last school, all about the homophobic teasing he used to endure.

"Well, Demyx. You'll have to wait to plan their wedding yet. Don't give me those puppy dog eyes. Roxas will break if we push him. But it looks like the severity of his break down was because he's drunk. Axel said Sora spiked the Kool-Aid."

"What!" Demyx barked, "Sora! I'll kill him! Roxas could've died!" The boy continued on in his rant as Roxas slipped back into dreamless darkness.

"Good morning, Twilight Town! It is Sunday, April thirteenth!" He head one of the familiar news announcers send his overly perky voice into the broadcast.

Reaching a thin arm out, he dropped the glassed beverage onto the coaster atop the round table. The liquid in the container actually was pretty foul, but he figured Reno's 'Hangover Be Gone!' tonic would be a big boost in getting Roxas to forgive him. Not to mention the face that he was cooking his best friends' favorite breakfast-eggs, waffles, and bacon.

At the thought of the eggs, Axel wandered back over to the pan on the stove to scramble the protein rich food.

"Aw crap. Hey, Zexy, do you remember if Roxy likes his eggs cheesy or not?" He called over his shoulder toward the living room. His two friends had opted to hang out and watch television until they made sure Roxas was alright. Zexion didn't reply to his inquiry, and neither did Demyx.

"No, I don't. And don't call me Roxy, Axel." He swirled around to see the owner of the soft voice, the steaming pan still in his bare hand.

"Roxas," he breathed," I'm glad you're up." He tired to restrain the shy smile tugging at his lips, but the effort failed tremendously. The cause of that grin looked up at him gratefully, but then stared down at his waist in wonder.

"Um…the pan, Axel?" His carmine brows arched, then shot up as the sensation in his hand registered with his brain. Throwing ht pan back on the counter, he inhaled sharply to refrain from howling in pain at the burn. His eyes, although stinging, saw Roxas rush back to him. Wait, he left? No, the fridge door was still open, and Roxas' other hand was fumbling around in it. The boy held the small bottle out to him.

"Do you want me to rub it on, or you? It _will _hurt a little…" his voice trailed off as he shut the door, his other hand now occupied with ice wrapped in a towel. Axel let his gaze fall to the bottle being shoved at him, '_Aloe Vera with Lidocaine.' _

"Lidocaine? That shit burns, Rox!!! You'll have to rub it on yourself….or I will SCREAM. I don't care how ridiculous that sounds." Shaking his hand back and forth vigorously to try and dull the pain, he looked expectantly to Roxas to find him smiling brightly.

"It's okay Axel. Burns hurt. Humph, look who I'm talking to…you know." He snickered quietly, gingerly grabbing his friend's wrist. The blond boy tilted the bottle slightly, and once a quarter sized blob of blue gel was on the reddening palm, Roxas set the Aloe Vera on the counter. Axel met Roxas' eyes to reassure him that it was alright to go on. After smiling apologetically up at him, the boy gently rubbed Axel's stinging hand with his fingers. The burning sensation coursed through his veins…alongside another feeling. Axel felt his face heat up, not quite the temperature of his palm, but getting up there with it. As Roxas continued to run his fingers over his hands, the red head's heart swelled and he felt as if he were going down on a rollercoaster. One of those cheesy feelings of ecstasy, one could say. When Roxas withdrew his hand, believing that the gel was thoroughly spread, the awkward pleasure he felt receded ever so slightly. It was still there, oh yes, but the sensation was calm enough to allow Axel to breathe again.

Roxas shuffled backward and thrust the ice pack toward him. Axel reached out to grab the numbing cold, noticing that his friend's gaze was now turned toward the ground.

"Look, Axel…about last night…I'm...sorry..." the blond spoke timidly, his hands clasped behind his back. The red head opened his mouth to respond, but the sudden weight on his chest stopped the action. The small arms wound their way around his torso hesitantly, then upon seeing no sign of fighting the motion, tightened around his middle.

"I'm really sorry, Axel…" Roxas spoke into his chest, slightly muffling the sound. Axel sighed, resting his good hand on the mop of blond hair, and proceeding to run his fingers through it.

"Roxas, it was my fault anyways. And Zexion told me you were drunk…But, I…you really scared me. You almost killed yourself, you know? Just…promise you won't do that to me again." He felt a pair of lips turn upward against his chest before the response.

"I promise Axel."

**Yes, I do realize it was shorter than last chapter. But I'll try to make up for it next chapter, and muahaha, was what happened in Roxas' dream 'for real…or not?' Yes, Demyx and Zexion's entrance was caused by Roxas being dramatic. And drunk for that matter. Anyway, this chapter was relatively shorter because it's late, and I really want to keep updating this story. One way you can inspire me to write faster? Reviews my friends, reviews. They make meh happeh. :3. **


	3. My Fluttering Cranes

**Alright, so I'm trying to be better at writing these chapters, length-wise I mean. Obviously, I can't edit worth crap, so…..yep. *hands muffin to reviewers***

School was normal the following week. No one really spoke of their little weekend drama, and Roxas just made it a point to wear long sleeves. By the end of the week, he was running out of shirts and had to resort to wearing Axel's black and blue sweatshirt. The blond was still pretty irked with his twin's little stunt to get him drunk, but as a twin, knew he would have to forgive Sora at some point in time. But for the moment…Roxas was going to sit back and enjoy this phase.

"Here, Roxas, I made you a Suicide!" The brunette set the mixture down in front of him, smiling apologetically at him. Rolling his eyes, the blond grinned toward Axel. Demyx looked up from playing with Zexion's hair to giggle with the rest of their lunch table.

"Why, Axel! You truly do love me enough to get me a Suicide!" Smirking, the red head scoffed but played along with his friend anyway.

"Well, Roxas, what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't get you your favorite drink? Well…hm…let's see…I guess I'd be Sora, eh?" Looking over to the butt of their joke, the duo noticed Sora's sapphire eyes gloss over as he glanced down. His silver haired boy friend slung an arm around the brunette's shoulders, letting his hand trace comforting designs on his back.

"Aw, Sora, come on. You know they're just kidding." Sora didn't respond in any way, but continued to tremble violently. Roxas sighed knowing that his brother had finally reached his limit and that his fun was over. Sliding off the bench, the blond made his way over to Sora.

"Sora," he said, remorse tainting his voice," it's alright. I forgive you, but please stop crying. I have to go to Art now, but I'm not mad at you, 'kay?" He placed his hand on the shoulder beside him, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The brunette threw a small smile in his direction as Roxas began to walk to his class with Axel, waving his good bye.

In art class, the school was trying to break a world record. A dumb idea, yeah, but why not make it a challenge? Their art teacher told each student that they were to make as many origami structures as possible, any shape counted. Being the art hobbyist she was, Namine was thrilled and wanted to participate as much as possible, dragging her two friends in art along with her. She suggested that they come in early each day to start, and as she so conveniently pointed out, Axel didn't even know how to do a simple crane. He would inevitable have to be taught the Japanese art, so why not get a jump-start?

The art class was fairly large, with four square tables near the front, a few pottery wheels near the back, and five or six giant easels facing the windows. Tifa, the art teacher, usually told them to paint of draw what the students saw, so the easels faced the windows to make the views all the more beautiful. Namine was sitting at the table nearest the window, many colorful sheets of paper littering the area around her.

"So, Nami, are you going to teach me to make this…oregano?" Axel tried remembering the right name, tapping his chin in thought. Giggling, the petite girl rose from her chair.

"Origami, Axel. And, actually…no, I won't be today. I was hoping Roxas could, because I have to go check in on yearbook right now." She looked hopefully over to the small boy. "Would you mind Roxas?" Flipping his blond spikes out of his eyes, he responded playfully.

"Why, of course your highness. I'll gladly teach your mentally challenged brother how to fold paper." Speaking of her brother, Namine threw herself at him in a quick embrace before darting out the door. Axel laughed at his sister's chipper attitude about absolutely everything.

The duo walked over to what was previously Namine's table, setting their books down on the unoccupied corner of the marble tabletop. Roxas extended his arm to snag a sheet of blue paper, handing Axel one in the process.

"Alright Axel, let's get to work. Look closely, alright? So, you take this corner here," he lifted the corner off the table, "and you fold it to here. Then you take this piece and move it here…" Roxas continued his lecture, moving his hands with skill and grace. Axel couldn't help but space out staring at that face. It was so collective and calm, and it made Roxas shine in a light that he had never seen before. The blond boy was so beautiful at that moment… Before he knew it, Roxas was already holding a beautiful crane in two hands.

"Okay then, Axel, I've explained it once, so why don't you try it now?" Axel tried desperately to recall what the blond was previously telling him, only to come up short and having to resort to just testing his luck with the stupid paper. After a few failed attempts, Roxas laughed at the red head, chiding him lightly.

"Axel," he sighed, "you didn't listen to me at all, did you?" Axel tried desperately to come up with a quick lie; he didn't want to offend Roxas so soon. He shook his head in disagreement.

"No, it's just that I don't verbally learn things all that well." The red head grinned sheepishly up at him, watching the blond shake his head. Said blond strode over toward his chair, behind the lanky teen.

"Fine then, Axel. So like I said, you just take this," he gently worked Axel's hands with his own, "and then fold it here." Roxas felt himself go light-headed as he touched his friend's fingers. Trying to rid himself of the awkward sensation, he focused on teaching the origami. Moving he and Axel's hands in unison proved difficult, as the red head's hands were shaking rather violently. Roxas decided to ask the older boy about that as soon as he was done. Maybe he should ask Namine about this sensation, too…it was as if he was in one of those sappy romance movies you see and you heart just swells with joy. Then your breath hitches in your throat, making you feel even fainter than before. Before you know it, the other person has their lips pressed against yours….

"Like this, Roxas?" Axel's suave voice snapped him from his daydream and back into reality. The teen now held a mediocre blue crane in his pale hands. The green eyes were staring back at him, awaiting his approval. Roxas was very well tempted to sit there and stare into those jade colored orbs…but remembered that this was not any one of his dreams, so the action wouldn't quite be appropriate. Smiling, Roxas gave him a nod of approval before returning to his chair.

Axel was positively beaming at his accomplishment. He grabbed a new sheet, this one was colored green. His hands now moved rather quickly with the paper, even though he was quite a novice at the art. Just then Roxas reminded himself of Axel's trembling and sweating hands.

"Hey, Axel, are you getting sick or something? 'Cause you're hands were shaking pretty badly and they felt really clammy." Roxas cocked his head to the side in curiosity at the red head. His friend bowed his head slightly before answering in a low whisper.

"Actually Roxas…I really think I am sick. I don't know why, but sometimes I'll just feel like I'm gonna pass out or my heart starts racing…and then my cheeks will just start to feel like they're on fire, even though sometimes it's cold…" The blond hummed in thought, trying to decipher the meaning behind the previously spoken words. There was a literal meaning to them, but Axel's tone hid something more…Roxas decided it was best not to worry about it.

"Well, that's quite a shame. The dance is tonight, remember? We were going to go together," he teased, knowing that Axel _lived _for the school dances. Zexion and Demyx would always DJ, and the red head always got some action. Roxas would only go because Axel went, but he eventually found that he would chat with Namine to pass the time. Axel smirked back at him.

"Aw, Roxy! You know I wouldn't miss a chance to finally make my move on you! I even had Zexy put a special song I picked just for you into the set list!" Reaching out a bony arm, Axel tweaked the tip of the blond's nose. Roxas scowled, trying to bite back a laugh as Namine bounced back into the room.

"Hey guys!" she greeted them cheerfully," Axel, it seems you've gotten basic origami down, so now we can move onto different shapes and styles!" She clasped her hands up by her cheeks in glee while her brother groaned.

Roxas was flipping through Axel's maroon cell phone, looking at different settings and ringtones. Scrolling through the list, the older boy's choice in jingles for each of his friends fit quite well, until he reached his own name.

"Bumblebee, Axel? What the hell kind of a song is that?" Axel was thumbing through his closet in an attempt to find a clean, appropriate shirt and shrugged in response. Rolling his eyes, the blond pressed down on his thumb to hear the tone.

_My heart skips a beat,_

_When you walk in the room,_

_I go boom boom boom,_

_You go zoom zoom zoom,_

_You're my playboy, play-toy, lover, my friend._

_I wanna be with you until the end_

_I'd give my heart and my soul to you,_

_To make you see it's true._

_I'm so confused baby can't you see,_

_Please come rescue me!_

Roxas shut the tune off before he had to listen to more, proceeding to quirk and eye brow and ultimately fail at stifling a laugh. Axel turned around to glare at the blond sheepishly.

"Shut up Roxas, Sora stole my phone and changed the ring tones. He put a password on it, too, so I can't change anything. I just finally convinced him to change your last ring tone three days ago! Yeesh…" the older male trailed off, still shirtless and on the hunt for a top. The boy on the bed scoffed; no other song could be any worse of an insinuation than 'Bumblebee.'

"What was so bad about the last ring tone?" Once the words had left his lips, Roxas regretted that he asked.

"Well," Axel tapped his chin," it was real mushy and…cute, I guess." Cute? What was so bad about cute? Roxas tried again for an answer.

"So what's so bad about that? The last song was mushy, too." Uh oh, the smirk was coming back.

"Well Roxas, I'd be glad to sing it to you." Clearing his throat dramatically, the older boy leaned in, rubbing his nose with Roxas'.

_You're my honeybunch, sugarplum,  
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, you're my sweetie pie.  
You're my cuppycake, gumdrop you're my  
Snoogums-boogums, you're the apple of my eye._

Axel's voice was sweet like honey, melting Roxas inside with the smile plastered on his face. He moved his finger to Roxas' cheeks, rubbing his own nose against the blond's pale pink lips.__

And I love you so and I want you to know,  
That I'll always be right here.  
And I love to sing this song to you,  
Because you are so dear.

Axel stopped his singing, ending the sweet melody. He laughed deeply at the confused expression painted on his friend's face. Tugging on the black tee shirt he found next to Roxas, Axel decided to break the boy's awe induced stupor.

"Didn't I tell you it was corny, Rox? Sora had that as your ringtone on my phone for months, Roxas!" He covered his face in exasperation and the memories of those months of shame he endured when Roxas called him in public. Aw, man he really needed to forget tonight. Good thing there was the dance.

"So Roxas, got a date for tonight?" He turned his grassy green eyes toward Roxas. When the blond shook his head, he made his standard offer.

"Rox, you know a lot of girls like you. I can hook you up, man! You wouldn't believe how many of them actually ask for you, saying how cute your eyes are and how finely sculpted your ass is and-"His offer was cut short by Roxas sucking his teeth in distaste.

"Axel, you know that I'm waiting. I don't want to date anyone I can't see myself with for the rest of my life." The red head sighed; yeah, he'd heard that statement before. Many times, in fact, but he just chose to forget so that his imagination wouldn't be crushed. Roxas surely couldn't see himself staying with Axel for the rest of his life. Roxas deserved better, and as he so often voiced, sometimes the blond found him quite obnoxious.

Man, when did that dance start? Seven? Seven seemed right, and the red head hoped it was at least some time close to that time. Glancing at the maroon clock, he let out a dejected sigh. It was _only four in the afternoon. _

Oh _joy._

**Alright, so…not the best, yes I am aware, but the next chapter will have some more stuffs and Akuroku action…yuppers. C; Reviews=Goodness.**


	4. Stage It

** So yes, I do realize I have not updated this as much as I have 'Beauty in The Breakdown' if any of you have read that fic as well. Why? Because writing this scene truly horrifies me, because I find it hard to write such happiness when I want nothing more but to die. My friends have all left me, saying, 'haha, thanks for what you're worth' after three years….so…not in the happiest state of mind, am I right? Anyway, you don't want my melodrama, you want Axel and Roxas'..soo….heyah.**

Shifting uncomfortably in the cold, he pulled his swirl patterned sweat shirt tighter around his thin arms. Well, technically the jacket was Axel's, but no one really seemed to notice it being too long for the short frame it was on. He and his best friend were standing outside of the school, waiting in the chilly air to be let in to the dance floor inside. The little cliques had already formed, and that had included the duo's own group. Demyx was busily flirting with Zexion, batting his thick lashes at the icy cold stare. It didn't do much but make Zexion laugh at the boy's frustration, though. His brother and Riku had struck up a riling conversation apparently, because the brunette was raising his voice at a steady level, giving the silverette an annoyed snarl.

"So Roxy," Axel taunted, nudging his side," you think you'll get some tonight?" He was grinning stupidly, but it fit the oblivious redhead. Scoffing, he replied pessimistically.

"Yeah, right. The person I like will just magically turn gay and love me to pieces." Upon seeing Axel's shining emerald eyes widen and his thin eye brows arch, Roxas realized what he just revealed. No, no, no! No one was supposed to know about him batting for the other team!!!

_**Oh. SHIT. **_

Fate decided to not be such a bitch right then, and the school's large double doors flew open for the eager student bodies to rush inside.

Roxas was among the first that dashed in. Axel was not.

Miraculously, fate had decided to play nice again. The neon strobe lights didn't shine on the bleachers in the gym, making it the perfect hiding place for Roxas. The music blared loudly, but the shaking blond didn't really acknowledge it.

Well, this was it. Axel would finally find one too many a flaws with him and shut him out for good. His homosexuality would make his best friend run. All because he had made a simple slip of the tongue, his life would ultimately be over. Axel would just start blubbering to one of his more popular friends, like Larxene, and the news would spread like wild fire. Then…then…then he'd have to experience it all again. _Again._ The word flashed in his mind like a blinding fluorescent sign. It burned his eyes. Suddenly, there was a new warmth in his presence. A hand on his shoulders, too.

"Roxas," he murmured sweetly, "why'd you run from me?" Roxas felt his spine tense, knowing exactly who touched him. His plan to stay away from his former best friend had apparently failed. Ultimately. He didn't attempt to speak, for even though the English language was large, there were no words to explain himself. After he didn't respond, the hand slid down to his back and rubbed small circles.

"I didn't know you were gay, but it doesn't matter to me, if that's what you're worried about…I mean, I haven't exactly _told _you, but I'm pretty damn sure I'm bi." Roxas let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Axel understood. Well, not really, but he accepted him for being homosexual.

"Thanks, Axel…it…means a lot to me," he spoke for the first time, his voice shaky and unsure. He felt himself be pulled into the redhead's warm, sturdy chest for an embrace.

"Anytime, Sunshine, anytime. But now that I'm well informed, can I know who that special someone is? Really, they weren't kidding when they said curiosity killed the cat." Axel flashed a grin down toward him in an attempt to butter him up.

"Axel, you r-tard," he laughed, "that's not what that expression means. And…I really don't think I'm comfortable telling anyone…" he trailed off, nervousness seeping its way into his voice near the end. Patting his back in reassurance, Axel smiled.

"It's alright, I know it's a little much, coming out in the open and all." Axel looked out into the dance floor, the flashing lights illuminating the elegant planes on his face. After a moment or two of so called thought, he smirked.

_Uh-oh. _The smirk of death again. The last time that smirk graced his face, it resulted in Roxas' emotional breakdown.

"Roxas, do you know how to dance? You know, nice and slow?" Roxas threw him a chastising glance, shaking his head.

"No, Axel. But what're you getting at?" Suddenly, as if on cue, a much slower song came on. Granted, it wasn't formally slow –this was a high school dance, mind you- but you could slow dance to it quickly. Roxas smiled at his own train of thought, for it was a jumble of contradictions, before he felt himself being tugged onto the dance floor by a warm hand.

"Axel! What're you-"The redhead snapped around, pressing the hand that wasn't around his wrist over the pale pink mouth in front of him.

"I'm going to teach you to dance, silly, so when you finally grow some balls to ask that guy to dance, you know how to. It'll impress him, trust me." And on that note, Axel snaked his arms around Roxas' thin waist.

"Wrap your arms around my neck, and it's that simple. Now just find the beat, and move like this." He started to sway his hips back and forth to the rhythm of the music, and soon, Roxas followed suit. By the time the male voice started to trill, Roxas was comfortable enough with the situation to snuggle into Axel's upper half. While his head rested atop the warm chest, Axel had taken the chance to use Roxas' head to lean his own on. Axel joined in the words, consequently softly serenading into Roxas' ear.

_Well I was moving at the speed of sound.  
Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and  
Didn't know that I was going down.  
Yeah, yeah.  
Where I've been, well it's all a blur.  
What I was looking for, I'm not sure.  
Too late and didn't see it coming.  
Yeah, yeah._

And then I crashed into you,  
And I went up in flames.  
Could've been the death of me,  
But then you breathed your breath in me.  
And I crashed into you,  
Like a runaway train.  
You will consume me,  
But I can't walk away.  


Roxas wondered vaguely if Axel could be singing this song not just to him, but _for _him. He then shook it off, reminding himself that his best friend had no clue. _  
_

_Somehow, I couldn't stop myself.  
I just wanted to know how it felt.  
Too strong, I couldn't hold on.  
Yeah, yeah.  
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense  
Out of how and why this happened.  
Where we're heading, there's just no knowing.  
Yeah, yeah._

And then I crashed into you,  
And I went up in flames.  
Could've been the death of me,  
But then you breathed your breath in me.  
And I crashed into you,  
Like a runaway train.  
You will consume me,  
But I can't walk away.  
Axel was running his long, graceful hands through the silky blond locks, hoping Roxas would just open his ears.

_  
From your face, your eyes  
Are burning to me.  
You saved me, you gave me  
Just what I need.  
Oh, just what I need._

And then I crashed into you,  
And I went up in flames.  
Could've been the death of me,  
But then you breathed your breath in me.  
And I crashed into you,  
Like a runaway train.  
You will consume me,  
But I can't walk away.

And then I crashed into you,  
And then I crashed into you,  
And then I crashed into you,  
And then I crashed into you,  
And I crashed into you,  
Like a runaway train.  
You will consume me,  
But I can't walk away… Axel gradually stopped their movement, looking into his shining cerulean eyes.

"Now you know how to dance, Roxas!" He beamed, his jade eyes glinting with something indefinable. He tried to smile back, but the heat in his cheeks prevented any movement from his mouth.

"Alright, guys, this time, we're tryin' a little karaoke-" Zexion's voice broadcasted through the speakers in the room when he was interrupted by Demyx.

"Yea! And Axel, you're up first, I don't care what you have to say!" Axel groaned loudly in the crazed blond's direction, in turn getting a round of laughter from the crowd of students. When Roxas joined them, Axel shot him a glare that screamed oh-you're-so-in-for-it-now. Suddenly, Axel pulled on Roxas' palm and dragged them to the stage, where Axel whispered something into Zexion's ear. He left a baffled Roxas in the wings, along with the DJ booth, and pulling a microphone of the stand, he threw a seductive look into the crowd.

"Now this is for someone special, ladies." Quite a few catcalls resulted from the insinuation, and soon his song of choice filled the room. A few girls squealed.

The redhead on stage ran clutched his hair dramatically before raising his voice to match the music.

_It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you  
But when we are apart, I feel it too  
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
with or without you.  
_

He was rocking in all directions to the beat at this point, looking very handsome to anyone in the audience. Roxas was enjoying his friend being speculated, not to mention the melodic voice, when the said friend yanked him up onto the stage with him and handed him a microphone.

_  
Baby I don't understand  
Just why we can't be lovers._

Axel grabbed his hands, leading him into a frenzied tease. They leaned back and forth to each other, dancing cutely, when Roxas added his own voice to the music._  
_

_Things are getting out of hand  
Trying too much, but baby we can win  
Let it go  
If you want me girl, let me know  
I am down on my knees_

Axel sank to his knees as he sang, looking pleadingly up at Roxas._  
I can't take it anymore_

It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you  
But when we are apart, I feel it too  
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
with or without you.

The redhead stood back up, going behind Roxas and winding his free arm around the blond's waist. Roxas laid his hand on Axel's, continuing the joke song._  
Baby don't misunderstand  
What I'm trying to tell ya  
In the corner of my mind  
Baby, it feels like we are running out of time_

Let it go  
If you want me girl, let me know  
I am down on my knees  
I can't take it anymore

It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you  
But when we are apart, I feel it too  
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
with or without you.  


Upturning his eyebrows in mock heartache, Axel raised their clasped hands to rest on Roxas' heart. The crowd was going wild now, with many fan girls chanting phrases generally egging the 'couple' on as they swayed back and forth.

_  
Tearin' up my heart and soul  
We're apart I feel it too  
and no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
With or without you_

Tearin' up my heart and soul  
We're apart I feel it too  
and no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
With or without you  


Axel removed his arm to force Roxas to face him, their profiles to the crowd, and the redhead resting his hand on the smaller boy's reddening cheek as they continued the duet.

_  
It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you  
But when we are apart, I feel it too  
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
with or without you._

And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
With or without you. 

The music subsided, and the ever-present girlish screams had doubled in volume, screaming 'KISS! KISS! KISS!' Grinning, Axel played along with the silly girls. He slowly pressed his lips to the side of the boy's face, closing his eyes to accompany the false kiss. The redhead pulled away slowly to add to the illusion. As he kissed Roxas, the whole room hushed, and as he removed his mouth, the crowd squealed in excitement.

Except for Roxas, who eyes were glassy and his expression hurt. That look was reserved for when he was about to bawl.

_Aw, shit._

He just ruined things again, didn't he?

**Aaaand, done. I'm sorry for the lameness, but I really can't think very clearly but I needed to post something. Flames will be used to light my cooking fire, so please leave them in a review!!**


	5. Closer

**Woot, woot, getting a drawing tablet. Sweet. I suck at drawing, but oh wells! People can now construct my crapiness and help me, right? Anyway. So…at this point, I'm kind of at a loss with what to do with this story. Like, it's been so long, and I've gotten so wrapped up in Beauty In The Breakdown I've totally forgotten what I was going to do with this story. So…I guess I'm just going to discontinue it. Bye guys! *Leaves laptop, then is mauled by angry readers. Rushes back to laptop with clothes torn and hair frazzled.* Heh, okay, change, of plans. I'm just going to go on and experiment with improvisation…I suppose. Until I think of another plot. Oh hey, I just did….great!! Lol, I'm so awesome. If I type another note like this guys, just tell me 'notebook' and 'kairi's a bitch.' I'll get it. Thanks!**

The crowd whistled and cheered at their performance while he dragged Roxas off stage. He really overstepped the boundary. Pulling him into the shadowy wings of the stage, somewhere near the DJ booth, he attempted to make things right by apologizing to the boy. He didn't want to lose him again, not after he'd just gotten him back. Well….alright, fine- Axel didn't just not want to lose the boy, he _couldn't. _Not after that horrible night when Roxas decided that he liked cutting.

"Roxas, listen, I'm sorry if I upset you but I just-"A small, delicate hand was pressed onto his mouth, sealing it. It shook, showing the boy was upset.

"Axel, now the whole school knows I'm gay…! They were never supposed to know!" His strained voice cracked in the middle of the last sentence as he pulled his tiny fingers away to cover his face. Furrowing his carmine brows, he tried to pry the hands away from Roxas' face with one hand, wrapping the other arm around the frail shoulders.

"Rox…chill out…its not like it's a bad thing…" Suddenly, the hands slid down, revealing an icy glare. He threw the arm off him, pounding his fist into Axel's toned chest.

"No, I cannot fucking CHILL OUT, Axel!!" He screamed, infuriated. "You have no idea what they'll do to me again! And ex_cuse _ me if I don't want to get gawked at and laughed at again! I don't want to have to deal with that shit again, and I don't….I don't…." he softened his angry gaze to a broken one, lowering his voice to just barely be heard over the blaring background music.

"I don't want them to…use me again…" he whispered, thinking it was to himself. Axel's eyes faintly resembled tires now in reaction to Roxas' statement, at the mere insinuation those words held. Who used his Roxas? And what did they use him for? He decided that these were questions that were not meant to be left unanswered.

"Roxas…"he cooed, trying to make his voice soothing, "who used you? And how?" He pulled the shaking silhouette into his arms, trying to create some sort of comfort for Roxas. The boy however, continued to weep and talk simultaneously, garbling some of his speech.

"They made me do a-awful things, Axel…they said if I was gay, then I had to prove it…and..the boys made me have sex with them…and then…sometimes, they'd beat me up…and…and…" he trailed off, not wanting to talk about his horrendous past anymore. The blond's head reeled, wondering about what Axel thought of him now. He was impure, filthy, and Axel would probably never want to speak to him. To his surprise, the hold the older boy had around his waist tightened in response to his blabbering. Then he felt one arm leave, finding its way up to his hair and stroking it softly.

"Roxas…don't worry…shh, shh….don't cry, no one will hurt you here. Didn't you see all the yaoi fan girls out there, Rox? They actually support gays," he joked, trying to relieve some of the stress in the air. When he felt the lips against his chest turn upwards, he let go of a breath he hadn't consciously held. No one would hurt Roxas again, no, not while he was around. This was _his_ Roxas, whether anyone liked it or not, he couldn't care less.

Wait a minute, did he just say Roxas was his? Axel smiled, realizing his own thoughts. At this point, he was sick of fighting his feelings, sick of trying to resist the urge to feel blissful when Roxas was happy. Maybe he wouldn't tell Roxas just yet, but…he'd stick around. Just to see that smile.

The owner of that smile hiccupped, done crying but still breathing irregularly. He pulled away from the embrace, smiling shyly up at his best friend with thankful but still glossy eyes. Before Axel lost himself in the cerulean pools, he laughed to break the silence.

"So, "he teased," do I get a reward for not running away from some masculine crying?" Smirking, he folded his arms over his chest to create his familiar air of arrogance. In turn, Roxas grinned devilishly, making a striking contrast to his angelic features. He raised a hand to tap the fingers against his lips, spacing out in mock thought.

"A reward, huh? Well, let's see….what in the world could be good enough for you, Axel?"he mused, then letting his face light up. "I think I know just the thing," he murmured, his tone satanic and unfitting. The redhead arched a brow in response. Then he froze, realizing exactly what his 'reward' was. Roxas had started to lean into the older boy, cupping Axel's rapidly reddening cheek in his palm. He felt his face flushing, but he couldn't pull away, no matter what his head was saying. The blond stretched his body, touching his nose with Axel's before settling his half-lidded eyes on the pink lips right in front of his. Before the redhead could even begin to start stuttering about what was happening, his mouth was sealed with Roxas'. He felt the soft lips against his, pushing him into a state of euphoria he had never experienced before. Much to Axel's dismay, Roxas pulled away before he could will his lips to react. He looked down to see the blond, smirking up at him.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Roxas?" He hissed, even though his tone was playful. Shrugging, the blond dove into the massive crowd, leaving an utterly baffled Axel to ponder.

Namine` tried desperately to tune out the god awful voice of the girl next to her, with no success. Her voice was just to annoying.

"How dare he! That boy is so worthless, someone as good as Axel shouldn't even associate with him. And then he just decides, 'oh hey, let's kiss the most popular boy in school!' NO!" she roared," I won't have it! Axel is mine, and only mine," she growled, clenching her fists. The blond shook her head at the outburst, sighing in frustration.

…..

"Kairi, Roxas and Axel are friends. Maybe it was a joke, or a dare. You know how boys are," she retorted, already bored with the little princess. As if Axel was hers. You can't own people, duh, she thought. She felt the indigo eyes penetrate her bored gaze.

"Oh it better be, Namine`, or you'll be burned at the stake. We wouldn't want that, now would we?" She bent her neck, letting her blond hair hide her face. Goddamn that evil woman.

…..

"Oh my gosh and kitten's baby teeth!" Demyx squealed, his hands cupping his face in excitement. "Zexy, they actually kissed this time! You, know, with lips and stuff!" With a flip of his hair, Zexion rolled a visible eye.

"Of course they did Demyx," he mused, "maybe one of them is actually going to grow a pair and come out." Green eyes settled on blue, and the blond smiled. Their plan had actually worked. It had worked better than they had hoped at best, and now they had a chance to play matchmaker. Oh ho, they were in for a fun evening. The shorter boy turned round, putting a mixed track on to amuse the crowd while he and Demyx played Cupid.

"Come on, Dem, we have work to do." He chuckled quietly to himself as he watched his boyfriend flounce off to find Roxas. That would be the hard part, he laughed, finding that shorty in the crowd. Not that he had much room to talk, of course, but not many people had bluish purple hair. He let his eyes scan the room, looking for the lanky teen, and spotting him where he had seen him five minutes ago. He was still standing dumbfounded in the dark wings of the stage. Sighing, he took the few steps needed to change the distance to a speaking one.

"Axel." The redhead finally snapped out of his stupor. "Axel, you know what he just did, right?" Zexion questioned, doubting Axel even remembered what just happened. However, he nodded his head slowly in response to the question.

"Alright then, you do realize that he just subtly tried to tell you that he likes you, correct?" At first, the emerald eyes sparked with hope, but just as quickly they fell dull before he responded sadly.

"No, Zex. It was just a joke. He didn't mean anything by it…"he trailed off, letting his fingertips graze his lips longingly. Zexion just shook his head, really becoming frustrated.

"Axel, don't you see? Roxas took the opportunity to kiss you because if you did happen to freak out and dislike it, he could pass it off as a joke and you two would still be good friends. It was simply a test. And I'm sad to say you did not pass with flying colors. In fact, Roxas is probably hurting inside now for thinking he made a mistake. Demyx went to talk to him, so he should be here in a bit, and you should just tell him." Axel placed his hands on his inverted hips, wondering if he should trust the small boy. Then again, he didn't have reason to not trust Zexion…

"Wait a sec," he interjected," how do you know I like Roxas in the first place?!" At this, Zexion grinned, one of the things that he rarely did.

"Simple observation, my friend." Axel flushed a rather unhealthy shade of red before Demyx tossed an arm around his shoulder.

"Hey," he strung out the vowels," look who I found guys!" He gestured to Roxas with his hands, then scooping the blond up in his arms and swinging him round. Roxas laughed heartily, playfully pounding on the broad shoulders of his friend.

"Put me down, Demyx!" He yelled between laughs. After hoisting Roxas above his face and pouting, he set the poor boy down on his feet again. The shorter of them rolled his eyes as Demyx muttered something about a spoil sport. Axel cleared his throat rather noisily, making all eyes fall on him before he made his announcement rather shyly.

"Um…Roxas…could I talk to you…f-for a second, alone?" He stuttered, looking down at his feet. Roxas quirked a thin brow at the slip up, but obliged anyway and let Axel lead him outside through the back door of the gym. The air outside held a welcoming heat- warm, but not enough to make one feel sticky. It was the introduction to the upcoming summer heat. Axel turned back to face the boy he had taken with him, fiddling with a stray strand of his red hair. Roxas knitted his eyebrows together again, worried why his friend was acting this way.

"Um…Axel, why are we out here? I mean-"

"Did it mean anything to you?" He blurted suddenly, cutting Roxas off. The question the redhead asked seemed important, but what was he even asking about?

"Axel, what are you talking about?" Roxas inquired, really starting to fear for his friend's sanity. He saw the pale cheekbones flush before Axel spoke again.

"Roxas…when you kissed me…did…did you mean anything by it?" Axel asked again, his voice soft and undemanding. The blond grimaced at the question he knew the boy would ask- he knew he would ask, yes, but he didn't have an excuse yet. He also knew that his friend was awaiting an answer. Instead of answering though, the blond hung his head, ashamed that he couldn't answer for his ridiculous actions.

"I…I want it to mean something…but, if that's not what you wanted…I mean…" His head snapped up, startling Axel, and making the taller man jump back in fear. Roxas inhaled sharply, taking in the statement- Axel wanted to be with him. _Him, _quirky, emotional Roxas.

"Axel…did you just…I mean…" his voice was a strained whisper, trying to cling onto the little shred of hope he held that he wasn't in fact dreaming. He searched the jade eyes for any sign of imperfection, any sign that could tell him he wasn't unconscious. When Roxas deemed them perfect, he let his shoulders slump. He _had_ to be dreaming.

"Roxas…I'm sorry…" Roxas braced himself for the rejection talk. The whole 'it's not you, it's me' and 'I don't want to ruin our friendship' run. He stood up a little straighter, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't want to see Axel's angelic face as he destroyed his world. But he didn't hear the alluring voice say any words, but rather felt hot breath against the opening in his lips. Before he could even wonder, he felt Axel's wet lips against his in a tender, chaste kiss. He felt something hot and watery hit the different planes of his face, and as the redhead pulled back, Roxas found that the wetness could be identified better as tears. Axel looked rather ashamed, as if he had committed murder in the first degree. Then he heard the enticing voice say short memo before he decided what to do.

"But I love you."

Roxas grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together, and wiped away the hot tears that ran down the redhead's fair face with the other hand. Axel looked up, startled, before he saw Roxas' heavenly smile. He returned the smile, squeezing the tiny fingers in his grasp. Now he could finally tell- Roxas _was_ the one he wanted. And thank the gods, Roxas apparently wanted him too.

**Hee, finally, some Akurokuness. Sweet. But…ah well, I shall let you ponder what I will pull out of my hat and make the story return to being dramatic. Haha, Dramatico. Irony. So school was closed today, and I figured I owed you guys some ficness. Have fun, guys, until I update. Which might actually be tomorrow, because it's snowing so hard again. Haha.**


	6. As If

**Well, I'm very sorry I haven't updated in a while, but my life….has gone downhill. I'm sorry guys, but I'll keep trying. Sorry if it seems a little darker and there seems to be more angst, but that's just how I feel right now….Sorry guys.**

Eight weeks. Eight weeks of pure, unadulterated heaven. The arms that held him at night, keeping him warm in the cold, conditioned air of his house, the warm smile that was so often directed at him. He listened to his heartbeat when they lay on the beach, doing nothing but enjoying each other's company. It was all so perfect.

But everything has to come to an end eventually. And it had, in fact, ended, much to Roxas' dismay. The blond haired boy didn't even have any reason, nothing to blame himself for. Honestly, no one knew. Not even Axel himself knew. Hell, that idiotic red-head didn't even know Roxas' _name._

Yeah. After everything, after all their shit, Axel didn't even remember him. Selective amnesia, as Namine had put it. After all, she was his little sister. The worst part was, there wasn't anything to even connect to Axel's memory loss. It was just sudden. Out of nowhere, Axel had seemingly forgotten both the fact that he and Roxas were partners, and the fact that they were best friends. Even in the sweltering summer heat, Roxas shivered as he recalled that day, that horrifying, terrible day.

_The sun shone brightly, almost as if the world itself knew today was the last day of school. Nothing could be more perfect. Roxas thought nothing of the fact that Axel hadn't picked him up that morning; he was in walking distance after all. Maybe Reno needed a favor first. _

_ As he walked into the crowded car lot in front of the building, his eyes wandered across the mass of students. Spotting the unnatural red color he knew so well, Roxas willed his thin frame to weave through the larger bodies. As he approached his boyfriend, the blond smiled to himself. His back was turned toward him, and Roxas decided that he'd surprise him on this special day. But as soon as he wrapped the arm that didn't have books in it around the lanky teen's waist, he felt a hard elbow contact his rib._

_ "Whoa, kid, I don't know who you think I am, but my door don't swing that way. Sorry," he chuckled at Roxas, turning his back on the boy. A frown tugged Roxas' lips down. He ran his eyes over Axel's distinct features, confirming his identity._

_ "Axel Akuseru Hotaru, you better not be goddamn toying with me or—"his protest was cut short as the teen snapped his head around._

_ "Kid," he growled, "I don't know who the hell you are, or why you know my name, but just get the hell outta here. I have girlfriend, and I don't want her to think I'm cheating on her." Roxas blinked, dazed. He had a…_girlfriend?! _No. No way, this was just some lame ass joke. Just then, a girl with wine colored hair that reached just past her shoulders. She smiled sweetly toward Roxas, then proceeded to lock lips with Axel. But Roxas knew that smile was too sweet, even for _her_. There was malice in that grin._

He blinked, looking down at his drawing. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Roxas flipped back through the sketchbook's many pages. Almost all of them were _him_, even if he wasn't the main focus. Sometimes, he was even in a goddamned _cloud._

A soft hand pressed down on his shoulder. Roxas let his eyes travel up the thin arm to the pretty face, which was smiling sadly at him. She understood exactly how he felt. After Axel had left him hanging, most of their joint friends had spent more time with the redhead, much to Roxas' pain. However, Namine kept with him, along with Sora. Sora was his brother, after all, and that meant Riku came in the deal. But none of them could fill the gaping hole in his life that used to be Axel.

"Hey, Roxas…I…think I have an idea," Namine mused softly, "I'll be right back." On that note, she grabbed her sketchbook up and flounced off down the hill. The blond sighed, knowing that this summer camp was going to be hell. Anyone there had been signed into ten weeks of this 'paradise.' As Roxas slouched farther against the oak tree's trunk, he let his cobalt eyes truly take in the landscape around him.

The first thing that caught his eye was the crystalline cerulean lake one the other side of the hill. Wow, how had he missed such a large, beautiful lake? He made a mental note to find his trunks soon, and continued drinking in his surroundings. The entire camp was filled with lush, green grass and gently sloping hills with a few flat lands for the sports areas. Woods were behind the main hill that he sat on, and according to the counselors, past the trees lay a field that was perfect for true camping. You know, with sleeping bags under the stars and singing around bonfires. Fire. Just the word reminded him of Axel.

The red head had always had an obsession with creating fire, but he knew better than to burn much more than firewood. So, during their eight weeks, he and Axel had spent many nights in front of a blazing flame in their backyard.

Soon, Roxas was taking a stroll down memory lane. He was lost to the real world until Namine's joyful voice rang out.

"Roxas, I'd like to introduce you to my brother, Axel." She paused to see Roxas' shocked expression before turning behind her to talk to her sprinting sibling. "Axel, this is Roxas up here!" A wave of flaming hair came over the top of the hill, accompanied by a blinding smile and piercing jade eyes.

"Whew…heh, nice to meet cha, Roxy," Roxas cringed at the pet name- it used to be affectionate. He looked up again to meet a pallid hand extended toward him.

Cautiously, Roxas took hold of the hand, and Axel pulled him up with grace. Grinning, the red boy tapped his chin.

"Ya know Rox, I can't help but think of you as familiar…have we met somewhere before?" He questioned, obviously stumped. Eyes watering, Roxas snapped his face toward the ground to let his bangs cover his eyes. After a few moments of a nonresponsive Roxas, Namine decided to intervene.

"Well duh Axel, we DO all go to the same school, you fat piece of lard. I swear, " she giggled, "all the blood missed your brain and went into your hair." Said red head playfully whacked her thin shoulders.

"And look whose-a talking, Miss Ben and Jerry. I am certainly not fat. " He huffed with such expert hurt before turning to Roxas. "I'll bet Roxy here doesn't think I'm tubby, do ya blondie?" He leaned in toward him, practically making the teens' noses touch.

"I..I….Axel…" he stammered, trying desperately not to cry. He couldn't cry anymore. He promised Sora. He had promised Axel something too, way back then.

_He had promised to stop cutting. _Torn and sobbing, Roxas tore his way down the hill to his cabin. His cabin that he had yet to find, he remembered. Truthfully, he didn't care. Anything would be better than having to endure Axel's painful presence.

Back up on the hill, however, Axel was pained. Something deep in his heart was pulled as the little blond boy took off, tears running down his face. The scene was all too familiar as well, for reasons Axel just couldn't comprehend. He turned to his sister, confusion clouding his eyes.

"Did I…say something?" He mumbled. Namine looked back at him, tearing her gaze from the path Roxas had made. She smiled and nodded sadly.

"Well…what did I do?" Taking a deep breath, the blond whispered a few words that only deepened his confusion.

"For once, in such a very long time Axel, you were being yourself." On that note, she too took off down the hill.

---------

Roxas had immediately found his name since his last name began with A. Once he found Roxas Aiden, Cabin 21, he set off in the bunk's general direction. The one with glittering silver numbers that spelt out 21 was painted a soft mixture of colors, representing a sunset and curved palm tree. Rumor had it that the last two weeks of camp were reserved for cabin painting. Who ever had previously been assigned to this cabin sure had a lot of artistic talent and vision.

Sighing and wiping the tears from his cheeks, he gently twisted the knob on the wooden door. With a soft creak, he entered the large space.

The cabin consisted of a bathroom, a small living room type area, and one large bedroom. As he stepped into the bedroom, Roxas saw that he would indeed have a roommate. The room was equipped with two beds, two dressers, and two nightstands. The walls were painted a soft, pale teal color that calmed the blond to some extent.

He hurredly got to work on unpacking his things, which had already been in the room when he'd arrived. After stuffing anything basically anywhere, Roxas retired to his bed, where he cried himself to sleep at about four in the afternoon.

------

"Namine, chill, I'm sure the kid's just checking out his space or somethin'," he muttered again. Her little blond friend hadn't appeared for dinner, and no one had seen him since he'd run off that afternoon. Namine's shoulders slumped ever so slightly as she tried to calm herself.

"You're probably right," she sighed, "I just wish I knew what he was doing." Axel arched a brow at this comment- possessive much?

"Uh oh, sounds like someone has a little bit of a crush, there," he teased playfully. Namine's expression quickly morphed from a defeated one to one with anger in it.

"No Axel, if you weren't so fucking _stupid _you'd know what was going on!" She vented, her voice laced with anger. And, holy shit, she just cussed. Something was definitely out of balance here.

"Whoa Nam, relax a little, would you? You're starting to freak me out a little." She huffed vehemently before muttering a 'whatever' and stalking off to her own cabin.

Axel shook his head, wondering about the wonders of the world today. Then he remembered he should be heading to his cabin to unpack and settle in for the night, and he tried vaguely to recall his cabin number.

Ah yes, Cabin 21. The one Namine pointed out to him was so beautiful. Once he had made his way into the wooden structure, Axel walked into his room to find a blond boy sleeping on the other bed. Instead of looking peaceful, like most cliché sleeping moments, the boy looked as if he were at unease. Suddenly, the red head had a strange compulsion to reach out and brush a few locks of stray hair out of the pretty face.

After a struggle with his conscience about how he had a girlfriend and that this was just a boy he barely knew and he surely didn't like him like that, he went along with his instincts. He reached out a bony hand to tuck the strands behind the blond's ear. Then he found the end of the maroon sleeping bag he lay on, pulling it up on the shivering boy.

"Goodnight, Roxas. I hope you feel better tomorrow."

Ah, the optimism of the ignorant.

**Okay so, it's a little shorter, but I'm seriously in the worst state of my life right now, so don't be too harsh please. Reviews would be GREATLY appreciated.**


	7. Forgotten

**Thanks, you guys who've wished me better. It made me smile, but I'm still not alright. Thanks, and be aware that these chapters may not be up to par. If I look back on them later, I might do a little revision. Yea….thanks.**

Roxas groaned as he stretched his tense muscles out. The room was lit by the sunshine pouring in through the window on the far side of the room. He was face-down on his pillow, face and arms sticky, with a blanket pulled over his back. As an attempt to wake himself, the blond inhaled deeply through his nose, smelling that wafting aroma he knew so well from the other side of the room.

It didn't even take a second before Roxas bolted upright in his bed, remembering exactly whose scent that was. It was unmistakable, that mixture of sandalwood, spearmint, and black cherry, it distinctly belonged to Axel.

And since he hadn't even had a blanket when he cried himself to sleep, that meant only one thing. Axel had to have seen that he was crying. Well, he had certainly made a lovely 'first' impression. Now that stupid red head probably wanted nothing to do with him. Great.

Said red head walked through the door at that moment, holding a plate in his hand. At first, his expression was somber, but as soon as he laid his eyes on Roxas, a smile broke out on his face.

"Glad to see you up, Roxas. I thought maybe you weren't feeling well, so I talked to the counselors and brought some breakfast down for you," he murmured, voice soft and cool as silk. Roxas blinked a few times, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Axel was actually….concerned? No, that couldn't make any sense. Axel still didn't even remember him, so he really couldn't worry about a person he'd met for all of five minutes.

"Um, Roxas? Do I need to go get a nurse or something?" The red head asked, his voice breaking the silence. Startled, Roxas remembered Axel was still in the room. He tried speaking to Axel in a normal voice.

"No, I'm not sick Axel. Thank you," he sighed, taking the plate full of food from Axel's thin hands. It was as normal a voice as he could muster, but to Axel it still sounded broken and hurt. The sound made his stomach churn and his heart wrench, but he shrugged it off as normal behavior. After all, this kid had been crying, so how could anyone just walk away?

Axel sat down on the bed next to the thin boy, surveying him. He was looking down at the food, chewing slowly and as if it were a forced action. Suddenly Roxas felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean…Nam is really worried about you. And if you're a friend of hers, you're a friend of mine," he whispered. Roxas' blue eyes stung at that statement. He still didn't remember anything, but he was acting like his old self again. He felt his lips tremble before the tremors started, and then his breath became shallow.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best not to cry. Failing, the fat tears spilled down his cheeks. Roxas clamped his teeth down hard on his lip to stop himself from sobbing while Axel's hand rubbed gently on his back.

"Don't cry, Roxas. Don't cry, Cloud's in a better place now," Axel mumbled. Roxas snapped his head up in enough time to see Axel slap his free hand to his mouth. Out of all the things he could remember, his mind chose to remember that his brother Cloud?! It was just too much to handle right then, so Roxas bolted upright, and then in turn running out the door.

Axel was left on the bed with baffling thoughts. Who the hell was Cloud? Why did he remember he died, and why was Roxas' habit of leaving make him feel lonely? He had a girlfriend, for god's sake, and not to mention she was the hottest girl in school, so why should he feel alone?

Shrugging, Axel scooped up Roxas' plate to throw it out on his way to the lake. Namine should be there, sketching, and he wanted to ask her about the night previous.

On his way out the door, he tripped over something and hit his head on the door frame because of it.

"Ow…goddamn….whatever it was…" He looked down to look at the offending object, only to find a luminous green notebook. A notebook? It had no name on the front cover, so Axel bent down to search for a name throughout the spiral. He flipped through the pages as he walked up the hill to his sister's usual spot, reading the pages full of entries and drawings.

_Mom says I should write things down, just in case something happens to me like it did to him. I can't believe he just doesn't remember me. It….hurts, to say the least. So anyway, Mom was saying I should write down the things I always want to remember. First off, there's him. I don't think I could ever forget him, but…he forgot me. His last name means fireflies. Nam says it fits because my last name means light, and he's obsessed with fire. And fireflies give off light like from a fire._

_ Then there's my brother. He...was a good man. At Christmas, no matter how bad he felt –he always got sick around the holidays, poor boy- he would always smile for us. _

"Oof! Ouch, stupid tree…," Axel rubbed his now aching head after walking into a rather large tree when Namine's face came from around the said tree. Arching her brows, she folded her arms rather huffily.

"Axel, why did you walk into a tree, you big doofus?" Even her anger couldn't keep a grin off her face for long as Axel tried to explain himself.

"Well, I uh…was um, reading this book thing, and I kinda got into it I guess…" he mused, wondering who the journal belonged to and who the people in it were. Then he remembered earlier in the day, while he was in the cabin with Roxas.

"Hey Nam, who's Cloud?" Namine's smile melted off her face in an instant. She gazed to her right, letting her hair cover her eyes. She paused a moment before responding softly.

"Do you remember him?" Axel shook his head slowly, lost in his memories. He tried in vain to remember this 'Cloud.'

"No. All I know is that he's dead, and that Roxas used to cry because of it," he shrugged as Namine raised her head to give him a questioning glance. "I don't really know how I remembered something so random." The blond exhaled in annoyance before she plopped herself down on the ground.

"Well, Cloud…was Sora and Roxas' older brother. About a month ago he committed suicide, and Roxas was always the more emotional one out of them. He took it pretty hard." Axel nodded his head in understanding. Rubbing the back of his hair, he remembered another unanswered detail.

"But…then how come I'm just remembering this now?" He asked, uncertain. Namine just laughed quietly.

"Because, Axel. You've been triggered. Sooner or later, everything will be clear." Before Axel had a chance to ask what she was rambling on about, she went on.

"Which reminds me, why don't you go spend some time with Kairi? I'm sure she misses you," she smiled devilishly before bouncing off down the hill. Axel frowned as he noticed Namine's sudden topic change. He ignored her words, needing time to let this all sink in.

Had he forgotten anything else? If he forgot death, then maybe he could forget some other things, too. It was odd, because that's what the mysterious owner of the notebook had written. Speaking of which, he still hadn't finished the page he was on. He flipped open the notebook to third or fourth page where he had stopped.

_I've already got entries in my old journals for just about everyone else, so I guess I'll go on to memories I never want to forget._

_ First off, there's my first kiss. I'll never forget how sweet he was about it. He was actually crying while he kissed me, because he thought I'd reject him. _

_ Then there's that one time we spent the night at my twin and his brother's house. The night didn't end well, thanks to that stupid brunette head getting me drunk. But before that, we were having a lot of fun. I remember that we were playing Truth or Dare. Then we made a dance party out of it. _

_ …It's harder to write these things, but I also made some promises I never want to forget. I might have broken them, but still…it's the memory that counts. To me anyway. I promised him I'd stop cutting. Well,…I did, until he decided to forget me. Then it became too much for me…and…well…_

_ I miss him. He used to be such a big part of my life, even before we started going out. We were best friends…and he always knew how to make me laugh. I remember when my brother died, he came over and spent the whole week with me. It hurts to see him every day and know he remembers nothing. And then he spends all his time with that stupid, conniving Kairi. I can just tell this is somehow her fault. But to make things worse, almost all our old friends have started hanging primarily around him. They generally leave me alone now. If it weren't for my family, I'd have probably already have killed myself._

_ Well, I guess I'll write more later. Namine's coming back up the hill._

The next few pages were drawings, which he really didn't take in. Whoever this was cut, and was mildly suicidal. Maybe…Namine knew what was going on. She did hint at Kairi, after all, and this person wanted to believe whatever happened was her doing.

He inwardly scowled at himself. He remembered all those nasty things Kairi had done to people before. She had done a few good deeds to repent, like apologizing and acting friendly…but had she really changed? As he tried to remember what good she had done…he came up blank.

He stood, stretching his legs that had fallen asleep. He couldn't think clearly. Maybe playing some music would help him out.

-----

*WARNING. IF YOU WANT THE FULL EFFECT OF THIS PART, PLEASE YOUTUBE 'BREATHING SPACE BY X RAY DOG.' *

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Roxas sat alone in the empty Music cabin. It was far too early for anyone else to even think of playing music, but yet the blond sat on the piano bench, running his fingers softly over the keys.

The melody he was playing used to be a song Axel would play for him at night. After he had left, Roxas had sat for hours and tried to play it by ear. He'd finally succeeded about a week ago. As he played, the tears still ran down his cheeks, leaving trails over his pale skin. His body shook as he cried, trying to make him sob. However, he refused. He'd already felt too much pain. It was too bad that he'd forgotten his pocket knife in his room.

The floorboards suddenly creaked, notifying Roxas someone else was in the room. He didn't care though, and continued playing. The new presence didn't bother him until it sat down next to him.

"That's pretty, Roxas. It sounds familiar… What's it called?" It was almost as if fate was toying with him. Axel was sitting next to him, but he still didn't look up.

"I don't know. My late…boyfriend wrote it," he whispered. Once he said this, he did look up at Axel's face to see the reaction. In truth, there wasn't any. His face was calm, collected, but his eyes looked pained. It was almost as if he knew.

Roxas sighed, knowing he was just giving himself false hope. He let his eyes travel down the boy's body, until a familiar splash of green caught his eye. He froze with one hand still resting on the piano.

After a few seconds of silence, Axel looked down at Roxas to see him staring wide eyed at his lap. He arched a brow, wondering what was so very fascinating about his pants.

"Roxas? Are you-"He was cut off by Roxas' harsh, resentful voice.

"Why do you have my notebook?" Axel blinked, then looked down at the notebook in his hands. This was Roxas' journal. That meant…Roxas was suicidal? Roxas cut? No. It couldn't be.

"Roxas, this is your notebook?" He turned on the piano bench to face Roxas, to watch the cerulean eyes narrow.

"Why. Do. You have. My notebook? You didn't read it, did you?" Axel looked down, ashamed. He gently put it in Roxas' lap, before continuing.

"Does…does Namine know, Roxas? Does anyone know?" At this, the blond boy lowered his gaze. He hugged the notebook to his chest during the awkward pause in the conversation.

"No. Nobody knows," his voice lowered in a vain attempt to hide the pain within in it. Axel felt betrayed at this fact; not the fact that nobody knew, or not even that anyone noticed, but the fact that Roxas was the cutter hurt. He moved the weight of his body closer to the frail boy, wrapping an arm around his thin waist.

"Roxas, you can't do this anymore. I don't know what's wrong with you, but…you come talk to me, alright? You promise me you won't do this again." He saw a single tear streak down the blond's face as he smiled.

"I promise, Axel."

**Alright, so yea. Ho shizz. We all know shits bout to go down cuz Kairi sucks. And that's the bottom line. Its easy to write Roxas now. Hah. How ironic….anyway, see you guys later. Maybe.**


	8. Kairi

**So this chapter…I have no idea where it's going. I'm just so depressed that I need to live in a fantasy world right now. Chastise me for sounding insane, but whatever, it's so much better than reality. Anyway, thanks for the reviews guys, and here's another chapter for you.**

Axel and Roxas had stayed in the music room for a good hour or two, Roxas playing his piano and talking while the red head listened intently. One topic of discussion really was a bump in the conversation, but Axel had insisted that it needed to be talked about.

"Roxas…why do want to kill yourself so badly? You seem to have a pretty decent life…" He whispered, concerned for the little boy. The arm on the left side of him was still draped across Roxas' thin shoulders in a small attempt to comfort him.

"Because, Axel….If it were anyone else, I wouldn't ever say this…but seeing as how you already…well…" Roxas cleared his throat awkwardly as he caught himself, returning to his speech. "I was raped. And beaten. It happened all the time, just because of the simple fact that I'm gay. So many people rejected my choice that my parents had to move Sora and I away because we were so ridiculed that we couldn't focus and our assignments were constantly stolen and ripped up." He paused here to stop and sigh sadly.

"Then after about five transfers, my parents got sick of it. They told me to get out, gave me a little money, roughed me up a hell of a lot, and kicked me to the curb. Sora came with that package, but he didn't get beaten. Our older brother Lexaeus still calls and texts and emails me saying it was all my fault that our parents got a divorce. And in truth, it is all my fault. They started fighting over why I was gay, blamed each other, and it generally lead to their relationship's demise." Axel had started running his hand up and down Roxas' back, tracing patterns to try and convey his sorrow.

"I'm so sorry Roxas, I didn't know…" he murmured quietly, feeling his head reel. All this had happened to this poor, innocent little teen, and yet no one cared. The knowledge made him angry. But suddenly Roxas snorted half heartedly.

"I haven't gotten to the kicker yet," he stated bitterly. "I ran away from that house, I ran and ran and ran. But my best friend in the whole, entire world caught up with me. He searched for me the very first day I left, and followed me around for two weeks before he finally caught up with me. He took me in, and Sora lived right next door with his boyfriend Riku. He cared for me so much that I actually thought life was worth living again. But no, it didn't last. Well, it would have, but apparently he has amnesia and the only thing he forgot was me. I tried getting over him, but everything I do goes back to him…and...I….I don't want to feel this anymore….I want to know he cares again, because he meant the world to me. I just wish…." He slowly stopped moving his fingers on the piano, ending the song on a mellow note.

"I wish he would remember." Axel opened and closed his mouth in an attempt to find some comforting words, but only ended up succeeding in looking like a fish. He bit his lip and pulled Roxas in a little closer, leaning his head on the younger boy.

In truth, Axel didn't know why this boy was still walking the earth. If that had happened to him, he probably would have offed himself too. It was terrible what the world had done to him, simply because he preferred the male gender.

"Are there people here who ridicule you for being gay here?" He asked cautiously. He truthfully didn't want to further upset Roxas, but the boy nodded his head silently before explaining.

"Yeah. It's mostly just the popular kids though, but that makes a lot of the other kids avoid me." Somehow defying the laws of science, Axel held the little blond closer to him as he responded with confidence.

"Well don't worry Roxas. We're queer, and if those people don't like it, they can stick that in their juice boxes and suck it!" Roxas visibly tensed as the vibrations of Axel's voice reached his ears as he watched the jade green eyes above him widen to the extreme.

"Holy shit…" the red head whispered in awe, "How could I just kind of forget I'm gay?" Once again, the little blond at his side laughed and replied in a biting tone.

"Well, maybe because your girlfriend is the head gay basher." Axel's hands shot up to tangle themselves in his hair.

"HOLY SHIT, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!" Roxas just laughed bitterly at his little spaz attack as the red head paced frantically around the music room.

-------

Namine sat across from Roxas at the one of the many wooden tables set up outside for the campers to eat at. Her arms were folded across the top of the surface, and she leaned forward toward the boy.

"So, he just sort of remembered he's gay?" She asked incredulously. Her blond friend nodded quickly.

"Yeah," he stated hopefully, "and you said he'll start to remember things, right?" Namine smiled in response, happy that Roxas was finally starting to look up at things.

Axel was leaning against a tree nearby, contemplating the sudden changes he felt. He suddenly felt more attached to Roxas after their afternoon together. Then, as if that weren't enough to confuse him, he had blatantly remembered he was gay. The fact that he was gay wasn't disturbing itself, it was the fact he forgot. Apparently, he'd been forgetting things a LOT lately. And now, two of his favorite blonds were talking about his forgetfulness.

"I hope he remembers soon. I hate seeing him with Kairi…Nam, I'm really sorry that she ever found out your secret. That girl's just a bitch, and once he remembers, we can finally expose her for who she really is." Roxas reached his hand out across the table, placing it gently on Namine's. She was looking down, ashamed of herself.

"I'm sorry I ever did that to you Roxas…but…I didn't want to be burned…and…I'm sorry," her voice was hardly above a whisper, but anyone would easily be able to pick up the guilt in her tone. Roxas shook his head in disagreement.

"Namine, it's alright. You weren't purposely trying to hurt me, Kairi was. I'm glad that you finally told me that Axel didn't just forget, but that his memories were replaced with her. Thanks for that. It must have taken a lot out of you." He smiled brightly at her, one of the things that was a rarity for him as of late. She returned the grin, squeezing his hand in a friendly manner.

Axel's face had basically connected with the floor at this point. So…he HAD forgotten something significant. And more importantly, it was because of Kairi, his supposed girlfriend.

Now that he thought about it, all the things the girl had done to change her ways were things he couldn't recall. Hell, he couldn't recall why he had even agreed to go out with her. Or WHEN he had agreed to it. He stood up, anger making his body shake thoroughly.

Whatever Kairi had done, she had better have a damn good explanation. Replacing someone's memories was just way too evil, even for that conniving dog. Some people had freaking Alzheimers, and Kairi wanted to TOY with his memory? No, he wasn't going to stand for it.

On that last thought, he set off down the hill to find his soon to be ex-girlfriend. If she wanted to live, she had better think of EVERYTHING that she made him forget, fast.

**Yea, I know, shorter, but there was more dialogue and action in this one. So next chapter might be the last, there might be one or two more. I don't really know. Thanks guys, R+R.**


	9. Remembrance? Suure, Let's Call It That

**So. Yes. Another update, because If I don't, the whole alone-ness of an entire week will get to me and I'll go insane. Yes. Sorry if they're getting a little shorter, I get anxious and have a small emotional breakdown near the end of these, so I just cut them off. I apologize.**

Axel burst into the first place he thought his witch of girlfriend would be- the dance cabin, which was the room that was surrounded in mirrors. Typical place for a girl like her. As he threw open the wooden doors, a low growl rumbled in his throat while his lip curled at the sight of her. Snarling, he tried to be normal as possible.

"Kairi, I'd like to have a word with you. In _private." _With that, he turned sharply on his heel and headed out the door. Shocked and ignorant, the scantily clad girl bounded after him in confusion.

"Axie? Is something wrong?" She bubbled, running up to the back of her boyfriend and grabbing his hand. "You seemed a little upset, sweetie, you know-"Suddenly he retracted his arm from her grasp, snapping around to face her.

"What the _fuck _did you to do me?!" There was so much rage seething in his voice that he could barely muster anything above a venomous whisper. Kairi blinked stupidly at him as he grabbed her shoulders and squeezed together every fiber of her being.

"Don't act stupid with me, you conniving liar! I know! I know what you did to my memory, and you had better tell me EXACTLY what you made me forget, right NOW," his tone was bitingly cold and demanding. Much to his dismay, her lips curved upward into an evil, all-knowing smirk. She crossed her arms haughtily before responding.

"Ahhh, so you finally figured that out, _Axie?" _She sneered at him, as if he were mentally slow for not comprehending her deed before now. "And it's not like who you forgot really significant. You have me now, _sweetie," _she cooed, her voice sickeningly sweet. Axel opened and closed his eyes slowly, hoping that this would simply go away.

"All I really did was go into your memory, replace a few memories of that stupid runt with memories of me, and wa-lah, you have the situation you're in today." She smiled sweetly, as if her actions were for the better of mankind.

The tenth time he blinked and Kairi was still there, he widened his eyes and stumbled backward.

"S-so…you…just..." he stuttered, unable to fully understand what she had done, "You somehow got into my memory, ERASED someone from my LIFE, and you expect me to be fine with it?!!" He thundered at her, causing the small girl to flinch backward. That was NOT the reaction she was expecting. Sucking her teeth in distaste, Kairi examined her nails huffily as she spoke.

"Well, if I _hadn't_ made them go away, you never would've given me a second glance." She looked up, snarling darkly, "And _everybody _gives ME another look. " Axel stared down at the spoiled brat in awe of her actions. This girl had such an indifference to human emotion that she was downright dangerous.

"Well then, _sweetheart,_ I guess this just proves Roxas and I right," he tossed out, hoping for a reaction. It worked, and she snarled back.

"Excuse me?" Her face flushed red with anger, and it only fueled Axel's hate.

"It seems you can only get a man by manipulating them. And this man is manipulated no more. Ta ta!" He grinned at her reaction, which was a fish like mouth and a face that couldn't decide to be pale or flushed. Waving, he trotted down the beaten dirt path to find his sister.

----

Namine patted his shoulder lovingly as he sighed, exasperated. She had already listened to his angry rant on what Kairi had done to him, and she had explained her side. Gloomily, he begged once more for her help.

"Please Nam, can't you just tell me what I forgot?" His voice was hopeful, pleading even. He gave his sister the most coaxing look he could muster before she sighed heavily, chiding him.

"I'm sorry Ax, but I told you, my curse won't let me tell you. Or anyone else, for that matter, because as soon as they start to say something about it, they'll simply pass out. It's a terrible thing…" she nudged him with her shoulder, grabbing his attention and smiling hopefully.

"But, you remembered some things, so everything will make sense soon. It'll all make sense once you remember who your loved ones are," she stated confidently. Suddenly a new voice joined their conversation.

"Axel has loved ones, Nam? " He laughed, letting himself contradict the sad persona Axel had connected with him. His blond sister giggled along with him as he sat himself in front of the pair, settling on top of the grassy ground.

"Sure he does, Roxas. Don't you remember _Kairi?" _She laughed, nudging her brother. Axel groaned at the mere mention of his now ex-girlfriend.

"Good god, Nam, do NOT say the devil's name, or she shall appear." He waved his hands and got the desired effect –Roxas laughed again. It surprised him how the sound seemed so familiar, he had just heard it for the first time a few minutes ago. But nonetheless, Axel decided he liked it. Namine waved him off, smiling and turning toward the blond boy.

"So anyway, Roxas, you were telling me about tonight. Have you found the perfect one?" His face brightened visibly, but he took a questioning glance at the red head before answering the question.

"Um…Namine, let's not talk about that right now…" his voice quivered, and it sounded almost as if he were…afraid. Axel quirked an eyebrow at Roxas' reaction. The boy's face was becoming increasingly pallid with each passing second, and a sheen coating of sweat was starting to form on his brow. Worried, Axel reached out his own slender hand.

"Hey Rox, are you okay? You seem kinda hot…" He pressed his hand onto Roxas' heated forehead, trying to get an accurate feel of the kid's body temperature. Roxas shot upward, righting himself as his face went from sheer white to tomato red.

"Uh..um..I-I……I'll see you guys tonight, okay?" On that note, the mop of blond hair disappeared faster than Axel could blink.

"Um…what's that supposed to mean, Nam?" He inclined his head toward his sister, looking for an answer. A small, mischievous smile graced her lips.

"Oh, did you forget Axel? Tonight Demyx is throwing a party and Roxas is…co hosting, I suppose. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find Roxas again and talk to him about tonight. It's important that we get every little detail in so tonight will be…life changing. See ya bro." Again, she grinned at him over her shoulder before following Roxas' example and setting off. Frowning in confusion, Axel laid back onto his folded arm and thought.

Roxas had just basically run away from his touch. All he was doing was expressing a little concern. And then, to top that off, Namine had went after him like it was, in fact, a big deal that her brother had pressed a hand to a portion of her friend's face. Jesus, it's not that uncommon for a guy to fuss over his best friend. And that was especially true if they seemed to be falling ill out of the blue-

Wait. The red head bolted upright, now filled with an adrenaline rush. Roxas…was his best friend. They'd known each other for years!! Oh poor Roxas…he must've felt so betrayed when Axel had forgotten him.

'Well,' Axel smiled, 'that's the end of that trend.' He stood up and brushed himself off, trotting down the dirt road that lead to he and Roxas' cabin. He couldn't help himself from cracking a grin in pure delight, and he even hummed under his breath. This made him so unbelievably ecstatic, just the knowledge that _he _was going to make Roxas smile. Make him happy. He had looked sad for so long, and it was all Axel wanted to make the boy cheerful again.

Suddenly, he was hit with a realization. He had never, in the entire span of his life, been so elated to make someone else happy. Making Namine smile hadn't ever made him this perky. Pursing his thin lips, he kept on thinking while he passed the first few cabins. Perhaps he felt guilty that he'd forgotten Roxas. Of course, that was a perfectly logical explanation.

Axel shrugged, happy with his reasoning. Hell, happy with _himself._ He reached his destination, that huge, color meshed cabin. The door clicked when it swung open, as he burst into the house to search for his best friend. He peeked into the living room and bathroom, finding no traces of the little blond. The red head walked into their bedroom, his eyes scanning for any trace of blond.

When he found none, he sighed. No Roxas meant that he would have to wait for tonight to give Blondie the news. He was bursting with happiness, and there was little to no chance that he wouldn't explode before tonight. Disappointed, Axel flopped down onto Roxas' bed. He let out a yelp when he found an object poking into his rump, and reached his hand down to fish out the offending object. Pulling it up to his face for closer inspection, Axel found that it was a sketchbook. Curious, he let his hands flip open the cover page to the first drawing.

It was astounding. The sketch was simple, but it even surpassed Namine's ability. It had been done with a single pencil, but the shading had so many levels, and it was so _intricate…_But then, Axel noticed what the picture was of.

_Him._ The drawing was of him, tall and thin, preserved in perpetual beauty. In real life, Axel knew he wasn't so astounding. On the paper he was facing sideways in mid-stride, walking away from someone. The someone he was leaving had no face, but the edge of the paper showed jagged bangs and closed eyes. There were teardrops under the eyes, and their shape resembled the birth marks on his cheeks.

He blinked, stunned. This notebook was obviously Roxas', unless someone snuck into their room. He sure had talent. Axel spent the rest of the hour flipping through and studying Roxas drawings until he fell asleep on the blond's bed, the sketchbook on his chest.

The last thought he had was:

_Tonight with Roxas is going to be amazing._ And he didn't even think of any sex.

**OH. MY GOD. I'm so tired after this chapter…Ugh. I slaved over this for a good five hours, revising and picking things out and adding them in to my liking and when I FINALLY HAD it the way I wanted, IT HADN'T SAVED. And I know I had saved it like, every three SECONDS. That was on the laptop, so I just figured it was gay and im never using that piece of 'technology' again. Ugh. So I had to redo this chapter again on my computer, and my computer isn't exactly the comfiest.. So you readers, YOU APPRICIATE THE PAIN MY LEGS AND ELBOWS ARE IN AND REVIEW!!!! Thanks. :3**


	10. Remember Me

**Aw, guys, I saw less reviews this time. That makes me feel really bad, since…well…is it my writing? Or is it just that…well…ah, never mind. I don't wanna pull a guilt trip or nothing, so I'll just stop now. Okay, ignore this. Yes. So anyway, here's more of the story for you. Yes, MORE of it, as you will understand once you hit that part.**

He rubbed his eyes, trying to get them ready for the light they would take in once they opened. Once open, the jade orbs squinted, trying to focus in the fading sunlight.

Axel sat up on the small bed, yawning and stretching his long body out. The position of the sun outside gave him a rough guess that it was around four in the afternoon. He rubbed his hair, trying to remember what he should be doing. There was something important…something…maybe he had a lesson? Namine wanted him somewhere? No…

After a moment of pondering, Axel bolted upright, grinning like a lunatic. Roxas. _That_ was what he needed to remember. Well, he did remember, but the little blond didn't know yet. Smiling in a euphoric trance, Axel stood up while he tried to smooth out his clothes and at least make himself presentable to the public. He wandered through the hall into the bathroom where he was splashing his face with cool water when the front door shut.

"Axel? You in here?" The voice was quiet, cautious, and exactly what the red head wanted to hear. It was Roxas. His serial killer grin returned from earlier, and Axel bounded into the front room to greet him.

"Roxy, aw, you're back!" He threw his arms around the surprised boy's waist and hoisted him into a hug, ignoring the fact that he could physically feel Roxas tense as he swung him round in circles. After successfully making the little one's head spin, Axel set him on his feet, and leaned down with his hands on his knees to be at eye level. For a good while, they stood just like that. Roxas' blue eyes froze wide and his body trembled in shock, while Axel's jade eyes darted all around the blond's face, the taller grinning the whole time.

"A-axel? " A tiny hand reached out experimentally, then one of the slender fingers poked Axel's pale cheek. At the sudden realization that the flesh he was prodding was real, Roxas jerked his hand back. Chuckling, Axel grabbed the hand and made it rest on his pale cheek.

"Yep, me and my own flesh and blood. I'm back Roxas," he whispered happily, "It's me." He saw something flicker in the cerulean depths, but it was gone as quick as it arrived. Axel stood straight and opened his arms, cocking his head and throwing him a questioning smile. The answer was Roxas, moving as if he were in a dream, walking into the embrace. As soon as the taller wove his arms around the frail body, Roxas followed suit and leaned into Axel's chest, shaking violently. Without even bothering to ask what was wrong, for he already knew that Roxas' was just happy, Axel pulled him closer and ran one of his hands through the unruly blond locks.

"I'm sorry I left you Roxas," he murmured, "I wish I could take all that time back…" The little blond cried for a while on his chest, letting Axel whisper comforting words into his ear.

When Roxas had no more tears left, he finally picked his head up off Axel to look him in the eyes. The pink lips moved inaudibly until Roxas took a deep breath, gathering all the courage he had to ask a tiny, simple question.

"How…how much do you r-remember?" He asked, his voice quivering in fear of the answer Axel scratched the back of his hair.

"Well, I remember we're best friends. Always have been, always will be. And then I remember that one night that you tried to…uh…kill yourself…" Here there was an awkward pause in the conversation. "Oh! And I um, remember all the reasons why you're so sad all the time. It makes a lot more sense to me why you're always so set on not waking up again…" Axel's silky voice trailed off, knowing the subject was not to be pressed further without Roxas' permission. The little blond turned his back suddenly, busying himself with straightening anything in his path.

"S-so," he stuttered, then coughed and started anew, "So, that's what you remember?" Two carmine eyebrows furrowed, and Axel scratched the back of his head at Roxas' reaction.

"Well…yeah, I guess. Aren't you happy Rox?" At the last statement, the little body pivoted to face him. There was a big grin obviously plastered to his face.

"Of course I am. C'mon, we had better get going. Demyx'll kill me if I'm late to our concert." He started out the door, looking back at Axel over his shoulder. Axel followed questioningly, wondering what was up with the sudden mood swing and the…fake smile. As they set off down the dirt path, Axel laid a hand on the shorter one's shoulder.

"What's wrong Roxas?" Snorting bitterly, the blond looked down and to the left to avoid Axel's gaze.

"I don't wanna talk about it," came the short, hurt reply. Axel's shoulders slumped; he really wanted to help his friend. He knew Roxas didn't have the best past, or present apparently, but he wanted to help. Maybe take even a little bit of the pain away from him, if just for a little while. Sighing, Axel tried prying.

"You know I'm here for you Rox. I don't think I'll forget any time soon. Maybe if you told me-"

"I don't want a conversation right now Axel. Just walk with me," he mumbled. The red head exhaled in resignation before making sure that Roxas really got the concept.

"All right," he slid the hand down from Roxas' shoulder to his hand and squeezed it gently, "But you know I'm here for you if you need me." He looked down to see him flip the blond bangs into his eyes purposely as he smiled sadly. Axel hated seeing Roxas in pain, but at the moment, there was nothing he could do.

Not that he wouldn't try later, of course, but as they walked down the path hand in hand, Axel knew this was the best he could do.

**Weee! Next chapter done! The next chapter is *DUN DUN DUH DAHHH!* Roxas and Demyx's concert! And oh the irony, XxXDevil-Chan. xD Remember, the three R's- Read, Review, and Ramen!**

**Wait…ramen? x]**


	11. Concert

**Hello, people! Fear not, I am indeed alive! *Yeah, like that worried you….x]* Anyway, sorry for not updating this in a while. I couldn't deal with a fairytale romance knowing I'd never get one. Still won't, but I can deal now. But you probably don't want the details, so ignore this. It just feels good to type it. ONWARD, MY MINIONS!**

The warm summer air was beginning to cool as Axel followed Roxas to the camp amphitheatre. Up on stage, one could see Demyx on top of a ladder, inserting some gels on spotlights while an anxious Zexion balanced the ladder at its base. Beside him, the blond smiled and called out to their friends. In turn, the dirty blond on the ladder turned and waved enthusiastically, causing the ladder to wobble and poor Zexy at the bottom to freak out and put a death lock on the tower.

Roxas let go of his hand, and turned toward Axel.

"Stay here a minute, I have to run a few last minute checks…" his face lit up as he continued, "Or better yet, why don't you find Namine for me?" he asked. The red head nodded, confused why Roxas didn't want him to come with. Nonetheless, when his friend smiled at his compliance, he couldn't keep himself from returning a grin.

As Axel turned his back, Roxas let out a sigh of relief. For once, luck was on his side and Axel actually listened to him. Not knowing how much time he had, the little teen whipped his whole frame around and tore up the steps leading onto the stage. The tennis shoes that sheathed his feet made a rhythmic thump thump thump pattern that directly mirrored the beating of his heart. He wasn't so sure he could do this, now that the time had come.

Finally, much to his relief, Roxas reached his partners.

"Hey, Roxy!" called Demyx, drawing out the vowels, "You all set for tonight?" There was a goofy grin on his face as he climbed down the ladder, after much pleading from a fretting slate haired boy. Roxas shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. At this, both sets of eyes turned on him.

"But Roxy, we specially designed the effects for your performance!" cried Demyx. Zexion nodded, and patted the small of the smaller blond's back.

"Yes Roxas, everything's already set. And why are you so nervous now? It's not as if Axel is bright enough to figure it out on his own," he chided. Again, Roxas coughed, rubbing the palm of his hand on his now sweaty neck.

"Well, um, er, about that…you guys…." His voice quivered as he searched for the right wording for his purpose. Demyx's eyes widened significantly, and Zexion actually looked angered.

"Roxas! What happened? Did-"Demyx's squeals of concern were cut off by a rather angry hand being slapped over his mouth.

"Did he figure it out on his own? Did he hurt you? Is that why you're nervous, because he rejected you?" growled Zexion. The petite blond was taken aback by Zexion's actual show of emotion and assumptions.

"Eh, n-no, he didn't figure _that_ part out yet, but he, uh, remembered everything else." Roxas stuttered through his sentence, glad when he visibly saw Zexion's tension leave. The hand over Demyx's mouth dropped along with it.

"Well, that's good. Sorry Roxas, but you are basically family," he replied sheepishly. Over his shoulder, his boyfriend 'squee'd in delight.

"Yeah, Roxy! Nobody hurts chu!" he giggled playfully, "And seeing as we _are _in fact doing this, don't worry, we got the songs you wanted." Roxas groaned at Demyx's cheery yet determined smile.

"But, you guys, that's what I wanted to talk about. Well…i-if he forgot that we went out, then…what…if…." He left the sentence hanging as his teeth clamped down on his lower lip. Zexion's monotonous gaze softened as he laid a hand on Roxas' shoulder.

"What if he forgot how much he loves you, like _that_? Am I right?" The boy nodded sullenly, hanging his head in shame. Next to him, Demyx hummed in sympathy and moved to envelope Roxas in a tight hug.

"Aw, Roxy, don't worry," he cooed affectionately, "I'm sure Ax still loves you! After all, you can't just forget love like that! It was so….._romantic,_" he sighed dreamily. Zexion narrowed his eyes and palmed the back of Demyx's head.

"Oh, why thank you Demyx. Glad to see I'm making you happy, but I'll bet Roxas doesn't want to be reminded about such things, so would you mind…not bringing it up again?" A periwinkle eyebrow arched, getting a sheepish smile and mumbled 'sorry' from the taller blond.

But, Demyx being Demyx, he quickly regained his vigor as he remembered what they were doing.

"Oh you guys, I just have to turn the mics, amps, lights and effects on, then we'll be able to jam!" After a flashed, ecstatic grin that belonged solely to Demyx, he bounded off do finish his tasks, leaving behind a skeptic boyfriend and confused Roxas.

"But, isn't the concert in another hou-", he began to question, but glanced over toward Zexion's pointing finger. "Oh….wait, when did _that _happen?" Roxas, of course was gesturing toward the huge crowd that had spread many mismatched, colorful blankets on the lush lawn of the camp. There were at least…well….there was everyone at camp. Yep.

"Don't worry about the crowd Roxas, only one person out there truly matters to you." Zexion gave a reassuring ruffle to the top of his head, and turned to pursue his silly boyfriend. Roxas brought his curled hand to his mouth, wrapping an arm around his opposite elbow.

"Oh man…I'm so screwed….." he sighed.

The sun had finally set behind the many hills of their camp, and now only slivers of fading light illuminated the amphitheatre.

"So, you're sure you know _nothing_ about this Nam?" He questioned his sister, cocking an eyebrow. She looked at him sweetly from across the blanket she set down –blue, with shining teal swirls.

"Axel, I have my own theories, but that doesn't make them right," she bubbled, a mischievous gleam in her lilac eyes as she lowered her voice to a whisper, "But even _those_ aren't the answer you're looking for." She laughed at the confused gaze on his face.

"Hm. That's great, but would ya care to explain that, Nam?" he question, glaring down at her as he hoped to intimidate her into telling him. In response, she leaned back on her hands as the lights on stage began to flicker.

"I would Axel, but the show's starting," she smirked. His brother started to protest, but a loud guitar wailing cut his attempt off. A row of spotlights turned on consecutively as Demyx walked up to the microphone.

"Hello, Twilight Camp! How we all doin' tonight?" he cheered, rousing a loud response from his audience. The lights illuminated his growing smile. "That's great, but I hope by the end of the night those cheers are even louder! Now, we're gonna shut up and just jam!" This was followed by another series of applause.

"And here's your lead vocalist for the night, Roxas Aiden!" More rowdy cheering and cat calls were made from the crowd as the lights suddenly cut out. There was an audible clomping of shoes going across the stage, followed by a guitar strum.

After a few measures the lights faded in, showing the blond teenager clutching the mic stand. He started out singing softly, simple vocal noises accompanying the music, slowly building up to the lyrics.

_I'm tuggin' at my hair  
I'm pullin' at my clothes  
I'm tryin' to keep my cool  
I know it shows…_

_I'm staring at my feet  
My cheeks are turning red  
And I'm searching for the words inside my head_

_'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Tryin' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it  
Yeah...  
_

Roxas, at this point, had taken the microphone out of its holder and was dancing from end to end of the stage as he sang. His hands were traveling his face and curled up at his chest, a nervous habit Axel picked up as they grew up.

_If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you, away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could see what I want to see  
I want to see you go down, on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say  
_

As Axel became more and more entranced with his best friend's performance, he watched his face. It looked…pained, for lack of a better word in Axel's limited vocabulary. Usually, when Roxas was doing anything connected to art, he was happy. Or at the least, he was content. He never looked so….longing.

_It don't do me any good, it's just a waste of time  
What use is it to you, what's on my mind?  
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere  
So why can't I just tell you that I care?_

_'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Tryin' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it  
Yeah..._

_If I could say what I wanna say  
I'd say I want to blow you, away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could see what I wanna see  
I want to see you go down, on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say_

_What's wrong with my tongue?  
These words keep slipping away  
I stutter, I stumble like I've got nothing to say  
'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it _

Zexion and Demyx were singing back-up vocals here, while Roxas struggled with his inner self to keep from a public breakdown. Namine was the only one to pick up on the inner turmoil the star was facing, but Axel picked up the worried look on his sister's face.

_Yeah...  
I guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say  
If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you-away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could see what I want to see  
I want to see you go down, on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say_

_These things I'll never Say..._

Roxas trailed off, and Demyx strummed the ending riff. There was a hushed silence before gleeful shouting erupted through the crowd as Sora and Riku plunked down next to the Hotaru siblings, looking rather…ruffled.

"Hey guys, what'd we miss?" Sora greeted them, leaning in to snuggle Riku. Axel shrugged before half heartedly replying.

"Only the first song. It was 'Things I'll Never Say.'" Beside him, Roxas' twin squealed. His fists were up at his face as he was acting like some silly fan girl.

"Oh my gosh, we missed _that_? Aw, maaaan…" he wailed, before returning to his usual bubbly demeanor, "Ooh! Axel, did you like it?" Axel paused, wondering why Sora was acting odder than usual today.

"Er, yeah Sora. Of course I liked it, Roxas is ten times better than that punk wannabe. But uh…Riku, is he okay?" Riku turned his attention from his jumping boyfriend and swiveled his neck toward the red head. In the dark, his face looked very…eerie.

"Oh, him? Nah, he's a little…off. But don't worry, he'll be better. _Soon._" And with that, Riku turned back to attempting to calm Sora down.

Axel raised an eyebrow, but questioned his not blood family no more. It probably wouldn't get him anything else but more ominous answers from the silver haired boy. So, his gaze drifted back toward the stage where Roxas had now moved to guitar whilst he sat on a stool, and Demyx had scooted himself more toward the back, near the set of drums. Zexion still remained near the keyboard.

Demyx strummed his fingers against the fingers of the base guitar once more, as Roxas followed up in harmony. Zexion was using the synthesizer to make background sound. As soon as the base guitar was no longer needed, Demyx bounded over to the drum set and just banged, cuing the vocals to start.

_I looked away  
then I looked back at you,  
You tried to say  
the things that you can't undo,  
If I had my way  
I'd never get over you,  
Today's the day  
I pray that we make it through._

_Make it through the fall,  
Make it through it all._

Roxas' head was bowed through most of the song. It didn't quite matter, because the way his hands and lips moved with such grace made up for the lack of facial expression.

_And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
'Cause I'm in love with you._

_You're the only one  
I'd be with till the end.  
When I come undone  
you bring me back again.  
Back under the stars,  
Back into your arms._

_And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
'Cause I'm in love with you._

The petite blond squeezed his eyes shut, and even if you were in China, you could _hear _the emotion that he captured in the next few lines.

_Wanna know who you are,  
Wanna know where to start,  
I wanna know what this means._

_Wanna know how you feel,  
Wanna know what is real.  
I wanna know everything  
Everything!_

_I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you.  
I don't wanna talk about it._

_And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you.  
and I don't wanna talk about it  
'Cause I'm in love with you.  
I'm in love with you,  
'Cause I'm in love with you.  
I'm in love with you,  
I'm in love with you… _

Roxas, being the ever dramatic one, looked up at the end of his last syllable, showing the world his glossy face. Most people took it as sweat, but Axel knew better. That wasn't stupid perspiration, it was tears. From your eyes. Like, when you cry.

Mentally, Axel slapped himself. Why was he all ditzy today? Maybe he was recuperating for being such a jack ass the past….since whenever his memory fuzzed out. He furrowed his eyebrows as the band moved into the next song and took time to space out.

Why was everything creepy directed toward him? Riku's creepy answer, Namine's even weirder insinuation of….something, and Sora asking him if he liked his best friend's song?

And, more importantly, why did _Roxas_ seem to be singing to _him_?


	12. Aftermath, Which Axel Was Never Good At

**A/N: What's up, guys? I haven't been on this story for a bit. Hm. Weeell, guess what? *crickets chirp* …okay. Fine. Be that way. Anyway, I kinda forgot where I was going with this…. I mean, I remember the big important scenes, obviously because they're important, but I forgot the stuff I have leading up to them! Eeep! *cries* Yeah, so…until you hit something important, please remember this is basically improvisation on my part, and be forgiving please!**

It was well past eleven o'clock when the concert ended. The newly reacquainted group was strolling along the path back to the cabins area, laughing and congratulating the performers.

"Dude, you guys were _sick."_

"Oh my gosh, Roxas, you were so amazing! I loved that one song!"

"Nice job, you three. You sounded really nice."

"Yeah, I loved your emotion in 'Fall to Pieces,' Roxas. And you two were amazing playing so many instruments."

By the time everyone had complimented the trio, Roxas was flushing redder than Axel's hair, Zexion actually looked uncomfortable, and Demyx was squealing like a little girl. But Demyx's squealing was nothing new. There were more rounds of laughter as someone made a sexual innuendo –probably Axel- and Roxas fumed like he was a broken down truck, which lead to Roxas now sitting on top of a very bruised, face down Axel. His arms were crossed against his black clad chest, his chin up in annoyance. Below him, the red head was leaning his purple face on his outstretched arm, waiting for the tiny one on him to get his ass off.

"C'mon, Roxy, get off me. I'm tired," he whined, pleading with the boy. An angered Roxas was not a fun one.

"Yeah Rox, we gotta get to bed! They're serving chocolate chip pancakes tomorrow morning for breakfast, and I wanna get some! And we can't just leave you two here," added Sora, who was futilely tugging on his brother's sleeve in an attempt to free Axel when Riku smirked.

"Who knows what would happen if we left you two all _alone, with no supervision,"_ he drawled, the amusement flashing in his eyes. The rest of the gang froze, save Roxas, who turned himself on the red head so he could face Riku.

"Uh, Ri, I think you should just shut your face now…," mumbled Demyx, feeling awkward. Zexion nodded his agreement next to his boyfriend, glaring intently at the silver head. Roxas huffed and plopped himself back onto his position on Axel, crossing his arms.

"Anyway, if you left me here with him, the only things that would happen involve blood, pain, and- waaAAaah!" he wailed, cutting himself off to scream. In one fluid motion, he felt himself rising upward as his body threatened to obey gravity and fall down. To prevent that, Roxas threw his arms around the closest thing, which happened to be Axel's neck, and held on for life itself. Axel merely chuckled and thrust his hands backward, gripping the blond's lower thighs to support him.

"Wow, Rox, sounds kinky. My little, innocent Roxas seems to be developing a devious side," he snickered. The blond teen gaped openly for a few moments, resulting in him spacing out with his arms tangled around his best friend's neck.

Their group had started to move again, and as Roxas felt his weight being bumped around, he was brought back to reality. He was also brought back to his current position as he roared.

"Axel, what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" thundered the tiny boy, obviously defying all laws of sound. Shrugging softly enough so that the blond felt it but it wasn't painful, Axel snorted again.

"Yeah Rox, 'cause I'm really gonna sit there all night and let you sleep on me. That won't happen in a million years, buddy. I'd rather die." Axel laughed to himself, focused on the dusty path before him. What he didn't notice was that the whole group had ceased to move, and the penetrating sneer now painted on Roxas' face. He _did_, however, notice the growl the blond emitted.

"Put me down," he snarled. Thinking Roxas was just being moody as usual, the other boy simply waved him off with a simply shake of his head. That was, until a large portion of his spiky tufts were in the blond's fist, rapidly moving away from his head. He gasped, closing his eyes to ignore the pain.

"What the hell, Roxas? What're you-"

"Put. Me. Down. _Now._" He hissed, giving a jolting yank on the red hair with every word. Much to his pleasure, Roxas was let down. As his feet touched solid ground, the teen brushed off the imaginary dust that was on his sepia colored trousers, before turning to face away from Axel, who was gingerly rubbing the back of his head.

"Ow, Rox, what was that for?" he muttered, taken aback with his friend's unusual behavior. Generally, Roxas was the one to solve things _without_ violence. His distance was unsettling by itself, but now everyone's odd behavior –including Roxas'- was starting to scare him.

"Everything, you ass. Do you and I a favor, don't speak to me anymore. I don't care if we share a cabin, it doesn't mean you have to talk to me," the petite boy ground out, clenching his fists with every stressed word. Before Axel could even begin to think about responding, Roxas had started tearing down the path to their cabin, dust flying up from his trail.

Green, Hazel, Cerulean, Royal Blue, and Aqua eyes blinked. And they blinked again.

The complex process of a human bodily function carried on for several minutes before someone shook themselves out of their stupor, which in turn alerted the others. Chocolate brown spikes turned on him, a death glare emitting from the Cerulean eyes, before that boy too took off. Hazel and Royal Blue sighed in unison, linking hands and walking at a brisk pace down the path.

Only Green and Aqua remained. The latter of the two came to stand next to the former, and patted his shoulder.

"Nice moment to fuck up, Axel."


	13. Filling It All In

**A/N: Sorry, but this is really, really stuck for me.**

Roxas sighed heavily for possibly the thousandth time that day. Hot, fat tears rolled down his face in an angry race to pool beneath his chin and make the droplet heavy enough to fall. His knees were clutched into his chest, his head resting atop them.

He'd been sitting on his bed in their room, sobbing for the past hour. His best friend was truly…just…so clueless. The word he really wanted to use was 'heartless', but he knew that wasn't true. And that just made his pain so much worse. It hurt more because he couldn't just scream and call him a cold, unfeeling bastard. No, that'd be too easy.

No, Axel just _had_ to be possibly the sweetest human to walk the earth. Had to be so cute, stumbling after him before Roxas had slammed the door in his face. He had to send Sora, Riku, Zexion, and Demyx in to console him, to coax him into at least _talking_ to the red head. But…as much as the blond wanted to….

He couldn't. He just couldn't face him, not after the walk home. It brought up too many memories, too many feelings he just knew Axel couldn't return anymore.

And just as he had thought he'd been done for the night, Roxas starting sobbing again, harder than he had any time that night.

Little did he know, Axel was right outside the door.

…

It hurt, to say the least. Roxas was in their room, probably curled up, crying. All because Axel had been an ass. He just couldn't leave things the way they were. He knew Roxas wasn't exactly…open, about being gay, but…surely he knew that Axel was teasing? Surely, he…he had to know that Axel hadn't meant anything by it.

It sure was unsettling to realize how much he didn't notice. Like the fact that Roxas was generally oversensitive to teasing when it came to him. Then he remembered the _last_ time he teased Roxas.

It was that night, when they were all at Sora and Riku's house…

Playing truth or dare….

And then Roxas ran off…

Cut himself….

And then threatened to die.

Oh god. Oh, oh god. Axel shot up from his fetal position on the couch, panicking to the extreme. With good reason, but still, it was quite unsettling to see him pace faster than Demyx even ran. The red head ran to the door, pounding on it, pleading like his life depended on it for Roxas to just open the door.

But really, his life _did_ depend on it. Roxas' life could hang in the balance, and that meant that Axel's life was in danger too. Without Roxas, he didn't know what good there was in his life.

He was an orphan, born and raised. He lived off the streets until Zexion found him, alone and dirty at nine years old. He was taken in and given a place to live.

He had no family, save Namine, who he'd had a fateful meeting with at their elementary school. All he had were his friends, and they would never forgive him if Roxas died just because he was an ass. Never, in their lives, would they forgive him. He highly doubted that they would forgive him, but he knew that he would never forgive himself.

So he pounded, he slammed and rammed his body into that door, screaming and wailing for his blond to open the goddamn door. Just to please, open the _goddamn door!_

"Roxas, please," he wailed, his voice cracking on the edge of hysteria, "I'll break down this door if you don't open it!" Using a great amount of will power, Axel stilled himself long enough to wait for any sign of response. Maybe the creak of the bed, the strain on the floor, or the jiggling of the door handle.

_Nothing._ Axel choked back another yell, stiffening his body. Slowly, he backed up, taking deep breaths and bracing himself. Then he launched himself toward the door, closing his eyes in a small attempt to lessen the pain he was sure to feel.

But…there was no door. It never hit him. Instead, he collided with a small, fleshy lump and fell in a heap to the floor with it. Roxas looked up at him, startled big blue eyes wide.

"What the _hell_ are you doing, asshole? First you piss me off, then you yell and keep me awake, and now you ambush me?" Roxas demanded, voice laced with obviously forced anger. Axel blinked, rapidly taking a mental inventory of the blond. Okay, so there was puffy red skin around his glossy eyes, an unhealthy flush on his cheeks too. So he seemed physically okay.

Well, that was disregarding the fact that Axel couldn't see past the thin navy blue material on the littler teen's arm. The red head cleared his throat nervously, settling himself in a more comfortable position atop his friend's abdominal section.

"I-I didn't mean to ambush you, or piss you off. I'm sorry. But I know you weren't asleep, Roxas," he deadpanned. In turn, Roxas gulped. He apparently picked up the knowing tone in Axel's quiet statement. He furiously wiped at his 'tired' eyes before responding with more annoyance.

"Yeah, I was _trying_ to sleep, thanks. It's not my fault that you decided to howl at the moon or whatever you do. Now get the hell off me!" Roxas scowled at his own voice; it lacked the resentment and distaste he was aiming for. Above him, Axel crossed his arms defiantly, looking down at him with a pale face struck with concern. _ God, please stop making me think you care…._

"No, Roxas. I don't think most people cry in their sleep, or you were having a bitchin' nightmare. And since you said you weren't asleep, that leaves one option. So I came to say I'm sorry, make you feel better, and make sure you aren't doing anything harmful. And I refuse to leave until you agree to these terms, buddy," he spoke. His voice and expression were both full of worry. The combination of made Roxas' heart clench in agony for the red head, but he wrote if off in favor of not hurting himself any more. He had hurt too much as it was. Before the blond could open his mouth to protest accepting the apology, Axel's warm hands were slowly rolling back his sleeve. Just feeling his touch sent familiar tremors throughout his frail body. They were just like the ones he used to have to experience before he and Axel had started their path together, and in a bitingly cold sense of irony, Roxas realized that he was once again in that exact situation.

Axel still had no clue whatsoever, and Roxas still loved him indefinitely.

Irony sucked.

By the time the reminiscing boy had snapped out of his memories, Axel had already pulled both ends of his sleeves up to his shoulder. Emerald green eyes scrutinized his lightly tanned flesh thoroughly, so much that Axel almost had his nose pressed into his forearm. His proximity and placement on his hips made Roxas flush hotly. Why did Axel _never _learn about personal space?

The red head pulled away reluctantly, his carmine brows furrowing in disbelief. Regardless, Axel sighed heavily and directed his gaze toward Roxas' face as he tried his best to look cute and forgivable. Stubborn as always, the blond turned his head to the right, avoiding the sad smile upon the red head's pink lips. Roxas didn't want to make him feel bad, but he felt bad too. Maybe if he could realize just how badly he hurt, Axel would remember something. It was a long shot, but Roxas didn't have much more hope than that.

Back in the reality of their room, Axel folded his arm and rested his opposite elbow on it, bringing a curled hand to his face. Roxas was completely unresponsive to his kicked puppy look. He'd tried apologizing, too, but that hadn't worked either. Frustrated, the red head squeezed Roxas' hips with his legs to gain the blond's attention. Thankfully, something he tried finally worked, as cerulean eyes narrowed at him. Axel leapt at his chance, filling the silence with his frantic babbling.

"Roxas, please, I'm trying here, I really am! I just don't know what to do anymore! I'll gladly do anything, give you anything you want, but you have to tell me first!" he cried, voice cracking on the edge of desperation. Roxas lowered his hopeless gaze; he knew that Axel would say this at some point. But he knew that he actually _couldn't_ tell him. The stupid curse prevented that. His silence filled the room. It was maddening to the red head, and said boy closed their distance.

"What do you want, Roxas? Do you want me to sleep with you?" Surprise overtook the boy, and Axel's eyes shone with hope. In Axel's mind, the surprise was read as confirmation, seeing as he hadn't been able to get a reaction at all before.

"You want me to sleep with you? Okay!" he chirped happily, removing himself from Roxas' person, "We'll be a little cramped together, but that's okay. As long as it makes you happy, Rox." His smile was blinding to the blond, it stretched across the planes of his face and bore Axel's pearly white teeth.

Axel moved to grasp his wrist to tug him to the bed, and Roxas complied rather robotically, trying to decipher his friend's bubbly chatter. The blond was lost in his stupor, trying to comprehend what was going on. It had all changed within a matter of seconds.

As far as Roxas knew, five minutes ago, Axel was on top of him inspecting his body for cuts and begging the blond for forgiveness. Then the red head had asked him if he wanted to sleep together. And now he was being tugged and pulled over to the bed, then to the chest for clothes, all while listening to Axel chatter endlessly.

Or…so he thought. The room was now silent, save their breathing. Roxas moved his head toward the red head, to see what was the matter.

Emerald eyes darted around his face, aglow with excitement and curiosity. With inhuman grace, Axel pulled them onto the bed, facing one another's exposed torsos. Roxas, being shorter, ended up having his face near a pale white neck, but Axel apparently planned this, as his hand came around to cradle the blond hair and press him closer. Shakily, the other arm wrapped around his back and embraced him tightly.

Roxas stayed silent. This felt so good he could cry. But he knew if he cried, Axel would break this position to ask him what was upsetting him, and he didn't want that to happen. Ever. He shook with his battling emotions.

Wait, that wasn't him. Axel's thin arms were trembling, his hand shaking as it stroked is blond locks. He realized that he could hear sharp, shaky sobs coming from above him, as well.

Axel was crying. Out of their many years of friendship, Roxas had never witnessed Axel cry. Maybe his eyes would water for a few seconds, or his breaths would be a little uneven, but there was never sobbing like this. That's what did it for him. He broke down too, in Axel's warm arms. They both lay there, the waterworks flying that night.

And as they silently cried themselves to sleep with each other, the morning promised that there is always beauty in the breakdown.


	14. Finality

**Oh my goodness, I haven't updated this story in forever. T.T Honestly, I forgot where I was going with it, so...yeah. FORGIVE ME.**

Soft morning sun streamed in through the windows of their room, and the brightness slowly broke Axel from his sleep. The teen sleepily blinked his emerald eyes in a vague attempt to focus them on reality as he broke away from the world of dreams.

Damn, that's what really sucked about mornings. But still, one element of his dream still remained. Roxas was still in his arms, warm and safely asleep. The red head smiled sadly at this, for he knew that was the only place Roxas ever really felt safe anymore, was when he was asleep. Hopefully, he had pleasant dreams. Raising his hand ever so cautiously, Axel began to stroke the sleeping boy's face with his thumb, mesmerized by the angelic look on his face. He wished that this moment would last forever, or that maybe Roxas would return his feelings. But, the red head was more realistic than that. He knew this would end, and he knew it was next to impossible for Roxas to love him as anything more than a friend, or maybe a brother.

Sighing dejectedly, Axel shook his head as if to rid himself of his thoughts and focused on savoring this moment. He watched with adoration as those sleep hazed blue eyes opened up to see him, and in turn the pale pink lips turn into a smile.

"Good morning, Axel," he mumbled sleepily as he snuggled further into the other's embrace. Surprised, the red head felt a flush rise onto his pallid cheeks. Had he missed something? He didn't really know what to do, so for the moment the older teen just went with it, happily enjoying this fantasy.

"Well hey there, sleepy head. How'd ya sleep?" Roxas smiled against his chest before he pulled away again to respond.

"Better than I have in a long time...mmm...I love you, you know. I can't sleep when you're not around anymore...," he said breathily. Shocked, Axel jerked back and sat up, startling the blond from his sleep hazed stupor. The only response the red head could even begin to give was a mixed jumble of stuttering and wild hand gestures.

"Roxas...I-I...Do...do you really feel that way?" he finally managed to get out, not without a few stutters of course. Two blond brows furrowed themselves together as Roxas propped himself up in the bed, looking confused and completely innocent.

"Well, of course I do Axel, I mean I-" and then, a sudden wave of realization and understanding passed over his features. His eyes widened, his cheeks drained themselves of all color, and in all honesty he looked like he was going to die. Even so, the little blond shot off of the bed as if burned. Axel however, was still too shocked to move, and sat idly as Roxas' hands fisted themselves into his golden tufts as he paced back and forth frantically, mumbling to himself.

"Oh...oh my god...why! Why did I...oh..." he murmured. No idea what he was even doing, Axel forced himself off of the mattress and over to the panicking blond. He stood there, unnoticed, until said boy slammed himself into a bony mass of red head. A muffled shriek ripped from his throat, but it was almost immediately cut off as Axel wrapped himself around Roxas in a tight embrace. Feeling the younger boy tense up, Axel moved one hand up and down his bare back in a soothing manner.

"Hey," he whispered softly, "I dunno what came over you, but you didn't give me a chance to tell you I love you too." A sharp gasp cut through the silence, as Roxas slowly brought his arms up to return the hug, pulling and holding Axel as close and as tight as he possibly could.

How could this have changed so fast? Maybe...maybe he was remembering. Roxas didn't really care, because this was happening, and it was just...so good. He was tired of fighting how he felt, so if Axel didn't mind, then he was all for this.

"Roxas...I've felt this way for a long time. I just...never thought that you could ever feel the same." Alright, so maybe it wasn't all there yet... But hey, the right feelings were there. That's all that really mattered. Sighing, Roxas loosened his grip to stare into those beautiful green eyes.

"You have no idea, Axel...none..." He felt himself lean forward, and ignoring the shocked intake of breath from the red head, Roxas initiated them in a chaste, yet passionate kiss. He'd missed this so much, and he felt a single tear escape from his closed eye.

Axel had never, ever felt this good in his life. This feels right, he mused to himself. It felt familiar, and right, and he knew he was supposed to be here. All of a sudden, he felt his mind break down as a rush of memories flooded his brain. He remembered so many things that he knew he didn't know two seconds ago.

He remembered he and Roxas' ACTUAL first kiss.

He remembered how they went out, and how Kairi blackmailed Namine into making him forget that.

He remembered all the times that he'd made Roxas cry, and he felt awful.

He also remembered that fateful day when he went to the store.

And suddenly, snapping back to reality, Axel was much more fierce in their kiss. The older boy grabbed his shoulders harshly and slammed their bodies together, not that Roxas was complaining. There was a renewed roughness, a raw want and need introduced into the kiss. They only pulled away to replenish the required the necessary supply of oxygen to their lungs.

"Roxas..." he panted, the gleam in his eyes familiar and yet old. A shimmer of hope reared it's head in the blond's mind, and he prayed that maybe, just maybe, he'd remembered. Roxas felt the stinging of tears fill his eyes as they stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.

"I'm so, so sorry for all the pain I've caused you," he whispered, sounding as broken as Roxas had felt for the past few months. Crystalline tears streaked down both boy's faces, and they cried with each other again. And quite honestly...

Neither of them had ever felt better.

"Roxas...I'm so sorry..."

"God, I missed you Axel..." They both exchanged sorrowful apologies and words of affection for a good while. Then, as they pulled apart, Axel smiled so suddenly at Roxas. The blond arched his eyebrows in question, but he was ignored as the red head's hands found their way to his necklace, the one that Roxas never even knew he wore. The elegant fingers fiddled with the clasp until he managed to get it off, while simultaneously sinking to his knees. Okay, Roxas thought, I really must be dreaming. This sucks.

He felt his hand be tugged forward and enveloped in Axel's warm hand. He seriously wanted to wake up now. This wasn't fair.

"Oh wow, Roxas. I can't believe this is happening, but... you see, I found this in the pocket of my jeans a while back, and I had no idea what it was for. But now, I remember everything, and...and...I know what its for, Roxas. And I'm putting it to full use before something awful happens again, " he blabbed excitedly, pulling the necklace chain to let it linger in front of Roxas' line of vision. A broad grin split his face in half as the blond elicited an awe struck gasp. The necklace...

On it was a bright, shiny diamond engagement ring.

**Shorter, yes, but my lappie's gonna die and I figure short little cliffhanger that lets everyone know that I'm alive is better than nothing. :D Ciao!**


	15. Too Little Too Late

**So as my freshman year nears its close, I have lost almost all of my friendships. :( But oh well, I realized they all treated me like shit anyway and they only brought me down. So, I've decided to use the time that I used to spend upset about their drama unleashing my plot bunnies! Huzzah! By the way, I finally found another little plot line for this story...so enjoy?**

Roxas stared. Stared hard, as if he were hypnotized. He couldn't believe this was happening. No, there was absolutely NO possible way that Axel, his Axel, was getting down on one knee in front of him with a diamond ring extended toward him. There was no way. Pigs had to be out flying somewhere or something...

But here, in their room, shining emerald eyes brimming with excitement were fixated solely on him. The blond dry swallowed in a vain attempt to clear the fuzzy haze in his mind. Reaching his hand forward, Axel slowly enveloped Roxas' left hand in both of his own, the ring pressing down cold and smooth on the younger teen's fingers. It definitely felt real.

"Roxas," he whispered breathily, the name rolling smoothly off the redhead's tongue, "will you do me the great honor of letting me marry you?" His voice, his warm skin, the glittering twinkle in his eyes...it was all too perfect. Struggling to keep up, Roxas dumbly tried to form an answer. What he came up with was,

"I...you...I...we...ring? Us? I...what?" The redhead hung his head, shaking it side to side with laughter as Roxas pulled his hand up to his mouth in confusion. Taking in a deep, much needed breath, Axel looked up into a pair of glazed ocean blue pools and tried to restate his question.

"Would you, Roxas Aiden, my best friend, the one who's been through hell and back, some of which was my fault, the one I love, couldn't live without, and would die for, become my husband?" A faint blush painted the older boy's cheeks as he said this, and that was what made Roxas decide.

He pulled his hand away, taking slow steps backwards as he raised his hands to his chest. This was perfect. All too perfect. As if in a slow motion frame, the blissful expression on the redhead's angular face dropped as the stuttering commenced.

"Axel...I...I can't..." he started, cut off as he began to choke himself up. Tears pricked his eyes as he searched for the right words in his mind. He failed to find any that could fit the situation, he couldn't find a way to say this, no matter how vast the English language was. Axel beat him to the punch and broke the lapse in verbal communication that was silent, save Roxas' gasping sobs.

"Roxas...what...what do you mean?" The blond averted his gaze, directing it toward his bare feet instead. He just couldn't look at Axel, not like this. Shaking his head to himself, Roxas started to wander around the room, frantically pulling open drawers and rifling through the closets or other containers in sight. Green eyes followed him, full of worry, as the carmine brows above said eyes furrowed in confusion. Getting frustrated, the blond started mumbling to himself in agitation.

"Oh come on...I just wanna wake up from this...figures there is absolutely _nothing _to kill myself with in here...goddammit..." he ranted, continuing his rummaging. Axel's worried expression intensified as he rushed himself over to the fumbling blond, pulling his wrists back from the drawers and staring at him in concern and shock.

"Whoa, whoa there, Roxas! What are you talking about? You can't kill yourself over this! I mean, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have sprung that on you and if you hate me I can just go away, but you don't have to take your own life!" Axel's words reached the blond's ears, but they had no effect on him. At this point, he just desperately wished for it to end, and cared about little else.

"Usually if I kill myself I wake up...I want to wake up already...this hurts too much, I just want to wake up from this horrible dream...figures in this dream I don't have anything to die with..." he rambled under his breath, talking more to himself than to Axel. Upon hearing this, the redhead struggled to comprehend what in the entire freaking universe the blond was talking about, but seeing how Roxas kept digging around for something to die with, he sprang into action and did the best he could. Axel anchored himself in front of his best friend, and with a strong determination in his movements, wrapped Roxas in his arms in a tender embrace.

"I know you've been through hell, but Roxas...this isn't a dream. Please, just believe that this is for real," he pleaded, gently nuzzling his nose into the blond locks. He hoped that perhaps, the more he could make Roxas feel his physical presence, the higher chance that Roxas would believe him. This was just becoming too routine for Axel's liking, the having to talk his precious little blond down from suicide. He didn't like how this was becoming a common occurrence between them. Roxas began to struggle in his grip, pushing away halfheartedly.

"I've imagined you saying that enough times to know that this can't be anything _but_

a dream...and I want to wake up. Before it hurts more. Please let me wake up," the boy whispered, the hurt in his voice muted by the numb trance he'd fallen into, but still noticeably apparent. Looking at the broken expression Roxas wore, the redhead felt his heart tear and break. He couldn't stand this.

"Please, Roxas, just believe me...I love you, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere any time soon. His vision began to swim with unshed tears as Roxas continued to swing his head back and forth in a silent refusal.

"This can't be real," the blond reasoned, more to himself, "you couldn't have just magically come back like that...and what are the chances that as soon as you did, you ask me to marry you? No, the chances are impossible...this can't be real. And I want to wake up soon so I don't have to keep reliving what I can't have anymore..." The tears in Axel's emerald eyes began to cascade heavily down his cheeks at Roxas' heart wrenching speech. He'd damaged Roxas so much more than he'd ever thought possible. It was all his fault, and as of that moment, he couldn't foresee anything he could ever possibly do to fix all this damage. He was a monster, he had done all of this... He was the sole reason Roxas was holding a pocketknife to his own throat and getting ready to-

Wait...pocketknife? He must have found it while the redhead was tearing up. The older boy silently cursed himself for letting himself be distracted at that one, crucial moment. Axel unleashed an anguished scream as he saw his blond look back at him, with a goodbye in his clear sapphire eyes, and flick the knife to the open position. Axel's body and hands lunged for Roxas' unthinking self, to try and recover the weapon before he could do any harm to himself, but a slice rang through the echoes of his shrill scream.

The whooshing of the slice was followed by a large splashing sound, and then a few pitter patter splats that resembled water dripping.

He'd been too slow.

**Good lord, my freshman year is over...and this is what I give you? O.e Oh, I beg your forgiveness...**


End file.
